Stumble it!
April 13, 2005
Sexy or Slutty: A Biblical Inquiry
If I were a rock star, I would not have to worry about what I wear. I could throw on a pair of fish nets, boots and a leather halter top and go to the grocery store and no one would blink an eye, because that’s what rock stars do.
Unfortunately, as a relative unknown, it would cause quite a stir if I got out of my minivan at Publix in the same outfit. I’d be the talk of the Tiny Kingdom! There’s a much more conservative dress code I am expected to adhere to, and it chafes me.
When I get dressed for a party, I don’t ask the standard questions: “Does this make me
look fat? What is everyone else wearing? What does “dressy casual”
mean?
I am skinny, and I don’t care
what everyone else is wearing. My main goal is to walk on the very
edge of fashion trendy without going over the edge into tacky. That line is thinner than a vermicelli noodle.
Plus, when you get to be a certain age, you are supposed to stop wearing
certain clothes and dress in a more “age appropriate” way. No more
tube tops and cut offs. At least, that’s what I have concluded from
watching “What Not to Wear” a couple of times.
But how do you know when you’ve reached that age? Don’t some women
fall apart faster than others? Given my shapely legs and lack of saggy
bosoms (not that they’re perky - it’s just that I’m flat), can I have a
few more years to wear mini-skirts? Where do I draw the line? Maybe more importantly, where do other people think I should draw it?
This issue came up last weekend when Bill and I were going to an engagement party for some friends. It was finally warm enough to wear spring clothes, and I had bought the chiffony shirt that I modeled in the fashion show. I couldn’t wait to wear it. I tried it on with a pair of lime ankle pants but they were a little big so I looked colorful, dumpy and matronly. I took those off and found a pair of very tight denim capris and put them on. They hugged my butt perfectly (Bill said).
I put on the shirt as I had been instructed during the fashion show, leaving the bottom two buttons unbuttoned. Even though I was not wearing the world’s lowest cut jeans, my belly button was clearly visible. Then came the dilemma: to show the navel or not? It is one thing to flaunt your belly button in a fashion show in front of strangers. It is another thing entirely to do so among people your own age when there is no catwalk in sight.
I tried it both ways, and there was no denying it: I looked much sexier with my belly button showing.
However, it’s probably no coincidence that the age you’re supposed to wear “age-appropriate” clothing is also the age that everyone’s lives start falling apart. We’re surrounded by couples who are struggling in their marriages, and I did not want to be accused of being the slut at the party who tempted men to think lustful thoughts.
Maybe I was giving my belly button too much credit. I am almost 40, and I’ve had three kids. Playboy hasn’t exactly been knocking down my door.
Finally I remembered a verse that has always miffed me a little. I’ll let you read it and see how you like it:
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does, and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does.
(I Corinthians 7:4)
Now, Bill and I don’t usually discuss the Bible before making love. But if we did, this would be the verse he could rely on to say, “Honey, I need it now, and Biblically, you gotta give it to me.” (We lawyers love to cite things to support our arguments.)
And if I protested, he could say, “Yo! Philippians 2:4!” (”Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”)
From a woman’s point of view, the verse is almost useless. I invoke it only rarely:
- “Honey, your toenails are really long, yet if you go for the Guinness world record, you won’t be able to fit in your biking shoes. Want me to bring you some clippers?”
-”Happy Birthday! It’s a nose hair trimmer! It just seemed like something you’d be able to use a lot! I love you!”
-”Me, too, wild thing, but first could you brush your teeth and put on some deodorant, you hunk?”
For the first time, I had run into a situation in which I Cor. 7:4 might actually liberate me, if Bill exercised his authority over my body the way I predicted he would.
I unbuttoned the bottom two buttons of the blouse, cleaned my navel with a Q-tip and summoned Bill from the kitchen to let him make the final call.
“Honey, I need you to make an important decision,” I said. “Do I show the belly button, or cover the button?” I demonstrated the blouse both ways.
“Show the belly button, no question,” said my usually indecisive husband.
“Okay. Knowing that there are going to be people from church, perhaps even people in leadership positions, attending this party, are you firm in your decision?” (Again, a lawyerly touch to make sure he was firm in his convictions.)
“Yes I am!” he said.
Well, using the Bibilical theory, the decision wasn’t even mine to make. So once Bill decreed that the navel should be bared, it was my duty to go along with his decision, and I did, happily. We went to the party, with my belly button on display. Half the church was there, along with a number of people from Bill’s hometown and a bunch of other friends. We had a great time, but my belly button did not see any other navels the whole night.
So was I sexy or slutty? Well, I felt sexy. Some people doubtless thought I took it a little too far, but hey - I had acted in accordance with Biblical principles in letting Bill make the call, so my conscience is clear.
How did I act after we got home from the party: sexy or slutty?
I take the Fifth.
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April 14th, 2005 at 11:47 am, MoMMY Says:
If I had a cute little navel I would definitly bare it. I’d also pierce it. (and I’m 34) But after 4 kids and extra weight… NO ONE but my hubby sees my bellybutton. Oh, and the kids.
April 15th, 2005 at 10:41 am, Tamala Says:
I am glad you showed navel at the engagement party. It’s a great way to make sure you aren’t asked to be a bridesmaid. I’ll have to try it.
P.S. (Did I use it’s correctly?)
April 21st, 2005 at 7:55 pm, Andrea Says:
Ok you are braver than I. I have a hard time taking my kids out in public with out them having a full inspection from head to toe… let alone me showing my belly button.
Good for you. Maybe I should show off a little more boob like my husband would like….. oh just the thought makes me nervous. (I would love to see the people from his families church turn their heads as my boobs were just showing a bit…. they would all flip… oh a tank top would cause them to pray for me on the spot…lol)
June 9th, 2005 at 3:57 pm, Joseph Says:
Coming from a happily married man and elder at my church I’d have to say a couple of things. First, I think the seduction and allure of a woman can be a very pure and godly thing. In our culture it’s either labelled ‘perverted’ or treated as evil. This is sad. Very sad… Shutting this down in a women kills a vital part of her soul. Is it not masogenous to bury a women’s beauty in the name of modesty? I’m in no way advocating busting out of your clothes attire. Taste and modesty play a role in all this.
Second, as long as you did not take away from the experience the future bride & groom I think it was cool. I’m assuming the intent of your heart was not to plant lust in the eyes of every man in the room. Men are wired by sight more than you may realize.
Anyway, take it for what it’s worth.
-j
January 14th, 2007 at 5:30 pm, My Tiny Kingdom » Am I Making The Grade? Says:
[...] However, the Voice told me she read Sexy or Slutty with a sick feeling in her stomach. She believes I was crazy to let Bill decide whether or not I should show my belly button at what was, essentially, a church function. As she put it, “Clearly you are surrounded by too many men, as you astutely noted in The Lone Vagina. Men cannot be counted on to make tasteful decisions in matters of style or dress. While you walk the line between trashy and trendy, the instincts which told you to cover your belly button (and that you ignored) were right. Email me a picture and then call me next time you have a fashion question.” [...]
January 15th, 2007 at 8:38 pm, My Tiny Kingdom » Cleaning Out My Closet Says:
[...] I needed her help. I tend to reason that most clothes are worth holding on to. If ponchos and gauchos are back, I can’t think of any trend that’s too ugly to make a comeback. Consequently, my closet is full of clothes dating back to Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf” days. I am drawn to colors and patterns. Also, it’s been well-documented that I walk the line between trashy and trendy, and often I need someone to tell me when I’ve gone too far. [...]