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April 22, 2005
The New Me
Usually I’m hysterical. Not in a “Quick, slap her– she’s out of her mind!” kind of way, but in a “Ha ha! That post was funny!” kind of way. (Sometimes I’m the first way, too, but not in this blog).
But today is different. I am alternately teary and jubilant. Then I break into sobs again.
I retired yesterday. After thirteen years of practicing law, full time, part time, with breaks for childbirth, interferon treatment, spine surgery, and sick children, I finally realized that it didn’t make much sense to spend my days rushing to the office to finish briefs instead of hugging my children while they’ll still let me. Honestly, God had to about hit me over the head (ok, with the last two months worth of migraines, maybe that was the tactic He was resorting to) to make me figure this out.
I am extremely fortunate. My boss has been a saint throughout my time at the firm, and told me to leave my desk and furnishings unless I never intend to practice law again. I’m certainly not ready to say that. So I have an office, and thus a feeling of security that there’s a place waiting for me in the future. It’s not all backpacks and carpools forever.
I am also blessed to be able to have the option, financially, of staying home. That’s not to say we didn’t enjoy the money I made. But last year my income was eaten up by my hospital bills, so I know we can exist more than comfortably on Bill’s income alone.
The money part is more a mental thing - with a few exceptions here and there, I’ve worked since I was 15. It’s going to be a BIG adjustment not to have my own money coming in.
Plus, there’s a pride aspect to it. I know it’s wrong. I know being a mother is much harder than practicing law. I’ve done both. But when people say, “What do you do?” it’s very easy to say, “I’m a lawyer” and have people understand immediately what that means. Not that people ask women that question very often - it’s a loaded question at your average cocktail party.
So ladies, as I start my 20th hour of being a stay at home mom, what is the preferred title? I’m assuming “Domestic Goddess” is over. Domestic CEO? Household Engineer?
I would go cry, but I must go steam clean my carpets. My mother in law is coming to visit.
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April 22nd, 2005 at 12:41 pm, Stacia Says:
Anne –
I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now, and I’ve loved everyone of your posts. I especially love this one. Maybe because I’m one month away from doing the same thing (leaving a media career, not law, though). Good luck. Congratulations. I’m really happy for you.
April 23rd, 2005 at 4:52 am, MistressMary Says:
Change is hard! Don’t worry too much about what to call yourself. I didn’t have a paying job for many years when my kids were growing up, and I felt sensitive about it. But I realize now that people do all kinds of different things to manage those hard years of child-rearing, and anyone who judges you for your individual choice is an asshole. Enjoy your time at home with your boys. I look forward to hearing more about it.
April 23rd, 2005 at 1:03 pm, Andrea Says:
Just remember you are not alone in these feelings! And there are many books out there that can help you adjust to your new life. (trust me I have read them)
“Assessor of Human Development”….. that is always a good one too.
Like I said… and I hope I am not alone, but it took me 2 yrs to wrap my head around the words STAY AT HOME MOM!
And I do love your blog!
April 25th, 2005 at 7:33 am, Stacia Says:
And on the preferred title thing: “She Who Must Be Obeyed” is always nice. You can even acronym-ize it: SWoMBO.
April 25th, 2005 at 8:50 am, Busy Mom Says:
So…how’s it going?
May 2nd, 2005 at 8:46 pm, Tracey Says:
Wow, now that you are officially a SAHM, you can experience the most painful part of the job. When you tell someone you don’t work, and they reply in that patronizing voice, “Of COURSE you work, you have the hardest job on earth!” as if you are completely insecure about not having a paying job and need someone to validate you by saying that.
Validation is nice, but some stranger patronizing me ain’t gonna do it.
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:20 am, My Tiny Kingdom » Venn Diagram: Soccer and Society Says:
[...] Three years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: The New Me [...]