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May 11, 2005
The First Date: Twenty Years Later
I am now at the age where several of my friends are single, having lost husbands to death or divorce. Now they are thrust back into the dating world, but instead of being dropped off at the sorority house after a night out, their date deposits them at a real house, which carries a real mortgage and holds live children (hopefully asleep) inside, unless they are spending the night with the ex.
As my friend Marathon Mom said, “It’s weird to wake up early after a date and have to fix lunches and drive carpool. Last time I dated, I’d just shack at the frat house and sleep in til lunchtime.”
Those days are over.
Marathon Mom recently had her first post-divorce date. She called me for wardrobe and etiquette suggestions. Neither of us had gone on a real “first date” since the late 80’s so we were understandably confused about the whole process and how things had changed since then.
The Date was picking up Marathon Mom at her house and taking her to a party.
“When he drives up and rings the doorbell, should I just go outside, or should I ask him inside?” she asked me. “And, if I ask him inside, what do I do next? Do I offer him a drink, or does that look like I’m trying to seduce him?”
“I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be out in the driveway in your cocktail dress waiting like he’s your carpool,” I said. “Beyond that, I’m not sure. It doesn’t seem wrong to ask him inside, does it?”
“I don’t know him at all,” Marathon Mom said, “and I don’t want to come across like a hussy. I’ve never dealt with this situation before.”
I could see the issue. Would inviting The Date inside for a drink before the evening had officially started make it seem like Marathon Mom would easily be persuaded to open her door– and perhaps more– at the end of the night?
It’s like they’re recycled virgins. They each have children, so they know they’ve had sex, but personally, with each other, they are starting at square one. And Marathon Mom is determined to be very careful this time.
“Let me think about it,” I said. “I’ll get back to you.”
I thought about it quite a bit, but I could not come up with a good answer. It seems obvious in retrospect — of course you should invite the man in for a drink– but those of you who are saying that are not experiencing the raging hormone problem that is the byproduct of a divorce. The plain truth is that after quite a dry spell, Marathon Mom didn’t completely trust herself alone in an empty house with a nice looking straight man and a glass of wine.
So I asked Bill for the male point of view.
“Why wouldn’t she ask him in?” he asked.
“We were afraid it might make her look easy,” I told him. “And she’s a little horny and she doesn’t want to accidentally jump all over him.”
“I don’t see how a man would think that’s a bad thing,” Bill grinned.
“But he wouldn’t call her back,” I pointed out.
“That’s not necessarily true,” Bill said. “Anyway, I think offering him a beer would be polite. He’ll need one. And if she doesn’t ask him inside, he’s going to wonder what she’s hiding. He may think her house is really messy or she keeps fifteen parrots or something weird.”
That caught my attention. If there is one area in which Marathon Mom excels, it is housekeeping. Floors are mopped and citrus-scented, counters are sparkling and crumb-free, carpets are vacuumed daily. I called her immediately.
“Bill says he’ll think your house is a shambles if you don’t invite him in. That’s one of your best assets, so we say do your customary top-notch cleaning job and let him see what a germ free environment you live in,” I told her. “Just don’t light any scented candles that might get you off track.”
“Fantastic!” she exclaimed. “Maybe he’ll be so busy looking at the gleaming cabinets he won’t notice my stomach pooch from my c-section.”
So in preparation for her date, she cleaned both herself and her house from top to bottom. A good time was had by all. And she did not seduce him (at least, not that she’s owning up to).
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May 11th, 2005 at 4:56 pm, Andrea Says:
Man I would make one bad single person! Cause I would be jumping his bones before he even made it to the door!
(My husband is killing himself laughing and agreeing with every word… how sad am I)
May 12th, 2005 at 6:02 am, Stacia Says:
Okay, now that I’ve stopped laughing long enought to type…simply brilliant. Good luck to Marathon Mom on the rest of her dating adventures.
May 12th, 2005 at 11:34 am, Mr. Very Interested Says:
Sounds like a very lucky man….and, yes, the house was spotless and she was beautiful.
January 14th, 2007 at 5:52 pm, My Tiny Kingdom » The Further Adventures of Marathon Mom Says:
[...] If all you’d read about dating after divorce was my original post about Marathon Mom, you might think that getting back into the dating scene is as easy as cleaning your house, putting on a slinky dress and dancing off into the moonlight. [...]
January 17th, 2007 at 1:53 pm, My Tiny Kingdom » An Illustrated New Year’s Eve Story Says:
[...] “That sounds great,” Marathon Mom said. “The holidays have worn me out.” [...]