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June 1, 2005
Baseball Diaries: Anne Glamore: Team Counselor
Being team mom has evolved into much more than I had originally anticipated. It seems that in order to perform the job correctly, you need a background in counseling. I am also considering setting up office hours in which to take all the phone calls I have been getting.
I can claim victory in one area: no one has even blinked at having the players bring their own snacks and drinks to practices. On the other hand, the season has barely started, I have put a lot of work into the team, and it is not running like the well-oiled machine I envisioned. I blame this mainly on God and Coach Rob.
The weather has been disastrous, so many practices have been cancelled at the last minute on account of weather. The most frustrating aspect of the year so far, however, is Coach Rob’s inability to stick to the schedule.
Coach Rob originally gave us a printed schedule with all the practices and practice locations listed on it, but it turns out that the sheet was a hoax. Some of our practices were to take place at the elementary school field, and I soon discovered that Coach Rob has a deep hatred for that particular field. He believes that it is fine for school kids to play kickball or run on, but it is not conducive to holding the best possible third grade baseball practice.
Therefore, on the days that we are scheduled to practice at the elementary school, Coach Rob apparently spends most of the day calling all the other coaches in town, trying to locate 70 free minutes of field time at the high school field. Coach Rob is remarkably persistent, so he almost always succeeds.
The first time this happened, I had Finn dressed and everyone in the van, ready to pick up two other players and head to the elementary school when the phone rang. I picked it up.
“Anne, it’s Coach Rob,” he said, breathing heavily. “This is great! I got us a practice time at the high school in thirty minutes, so we won’t have to waste our time on that dumpy little field at the elementary school. Can you let the moms know?”
I was stunned into silence.
“Anne?” Rob asked. “Are you there?”
“Yes, I am here,” I said, “but barely. All over town, women are loading their players into their cars and heading for the elementary school field, like the schedule says. The high school is on the other side of town, and frankly, I do not think we’re going to be able to get in touch with anyone this close to practice.”
Coach Rob was undaunted. “Well, I guess you’re right. Why don’t we go to the elementary school and meet everyone and have them take their kids to the high school?”
“I think you’re going to piss off a lot of moms if you suggest that,” I answered honestly. “Most of those mothers have other children they are taking other places after they drop off at the elementary school, and a quick dash across town to the high school is not in their plans.”
“But practicing at the elementary school is like not practicing at all,” Coach Rob whined. “I have big plans for these kids. We’ve got to get them off to a strong start.”
“Coach Rob,” I said firmly, “you have two choices. You can hold practice at the elementary school as planned, which I highly recommend. Or you can meet the players at the elementary school and see if you and the other coaches have enough room to drive everyone to the high school, have your practice, and get them back to the elementary school at the time the original practice was supposed to end.”
Coach Rob was silent a moment. “That means we’d only get to practice about thirty minutes, once you subtract all the driving time,” he said glumly.
“That’s right,” I answered.
“You really think the moms would get mad if I told them to drive their kids to the high school?” he asked.
“I don’t think so, I know so,” I said.
That day, Coach Rob ended up holding practice at the elementary school, but he wasn’t happy about it.
A couple of days later, he tried the same switcheroo again, this time two hours before practice. He called at 3 pm and asked me to send out an email announcing that the practice would take place at the same time, but at the high school, rather than the elementary school. I kept my mouth shut and did as he asked, using the same principle I use with my children: it is better to learn from experience than to have someone tell you something will not work.
My email was brief and absolved me of any responsibility for such a wacky last minute change:
To: Allstar Team
From: Anne
Re: Practice Today is Changed
Coach Rob has asked me to inform you that today’s practice will take place today at 5 pm at the high school instead of the elementary school.
Anne
Coach Rob was shocked when only six players showed up at the high school. The remainder had followed the schedule and were at the elementary school. (Of the six players who went to the high school, I drove three and Coach Rob drove two, which meant that only one other mother had independently received the email).
Several mothers called me that night to complain about the deviation from the schedule and to emphasize the fact that they did not have computers in their SUVs, where they lived, and thus were unable to get late messages changing practice times. I gave them a sympathetic ear.
Coach Rob also called me that night to grumble about the fact that he had given what he considered adequate notice yet only half the team had made it to practice.
The “Let’s Get Acquainted” team party is coming up, and I did not want angry moms to bully Coach Rob instead of having fun eating hamburgers and drinking beer.
I decided it was time for an intervention. I told Coach Rob what was on my mind, and the next day I emailed the team.
To: Allstar Team
From : Anne
Re: Practice, Phone Tree, Remarks on male/female differences
1. Practice has been cancelled for today because of rain.
2. Attached please find a phone tree. As you may have noticed, Coach Rob really loves the high school field and hates the elementary school field and feels that our boys practice better at the former.
His decisions on practices are often made without much notice and therefore I am instituting a phone tree to be used if he makes changes to our printed schedule that take place so quickly that notice must be given by phone rather than email. Coach Rob is in charge of starting the phone tree.
3. WHEN is the phone tree most likely to be used?
WHENEVER we have a practice scheduled for the elementary school.
4. Male/female differences and how they apply to us
This is a good time to point out that besides obvious physical differences between males and females, there are differences in the ways men and women think about a lot of things. For example, a long time ago, my wonderful husband Bill failed to mark our 5th wedding anniversary in an appropriate way (fine jewelry).
His thinking, which I am sure the men reading this will appreciate, was that the anniversary was somewhat overshadowed by the fact that we had unexpectedly given birth to premature twins who were in the NICU, and I had been readmitted to the hospital for a postop infection. He may also have been distracted by Clinton’s bombing of an al-Quaeda cell in Africa at the same time.
In contrast, I realized that the anniversary was a special one, (as are all ending in 0 or 5) and I spent a lot of time on the phone arranging for a spectacular present for him, even though the IV in my arm somewhat hampered my dialing.
Bill and I have worked through this issue, and I raise it not to rag on him (for he is perfect in many ways), but only to illustrate how radically different those with testosterone and those with estrogen can view the same circumstances.
How does this apply to the baseball team? Listen closely.
Some mothers have been undone by the frequent changes in the baseball schedule recently. You men should know that women view a schedule as a paper that sets forth the exact time and location an event will take place, and deviations occur only in drastic circumstances. This is because the women have children OTHER THAN THOSE PLAYING BASEBALL and often plan their afternoons in the SUV down to the nanosecond in order to have all ballet dancers, musical instrument players, campers, babysitters, etc in the right PLACE at the right TIME. Even a small change in the schedule can cause the entire carefully calibrated system to disintegrate into a mass of crying children and screaming mothers.
On the other hand, the males, (and Coach Rob in particular) are focused on baseball and baseball only, and are doing their best to ensure that our players have a fabulous experience with stellar coaching and the best facilities possible. On behalf of the moms, let me say that OF COURSE we want that for our players as well and we are THRILLED with the commitment our coaches have shown thus far.
Coach Rob and I have had a little Mars/Venus conversation, and he fully understands the unforgivable schedules under which the moms operate. He has agreed to give reasonable notice (which I have defined as 24 hours) of future changes in the schedule to me, and I will get them out in an email. If his changes are last minute, he will start the phone tree and hope for the best in terns of players showing up on time at the correct field.
If he arranges a game with another team at their field, we’ll do our best to ease the carpooling by having coaches drive the kids to the field so you do not have a surprise trip to Springville sandwiched between ballet drop off and gymnastics pickup.
I think this is a fair compromise and should alleviate further problems.
If anyone thinks the team needs further counseling, please let me know and I will give a lecture on boundaries.
Go team!
Anne
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June 2nd, 2005 at 8:57 am, T Says:
I LOVE your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just had to tell you again.
June 2nd, 2005 at 8:33 pm, Perri Says:
Once you get the coach lined out - sounds like you are onto a winning season. Love reading your blog.