January 29, 2006

The Lone Vagina, Part 2

I’ve written before about being the only female in a house full of males. Last night I was once again surrounded by testosterone. Finn had a friend to spend the night, and Bill and I and the four boys went to a nearby restaurant for dinner. The place was crowded and the kitchen was slow. Bill and I had a drink at the bar while the boys played video games. After about thirty minutes we were seated and placed our orders.

The boys exhausted their quarter supply and came to the table looking for food. Porter busied himself sprinkling the fake Parmesan cheese into his palm and licking it. Finn and his friend picked up their forks and knives and started a riff on the table, until I reminded them that there is no drumming in restaurants unless there is a real drum kit present and you have been specifically asked to perform.

The waitress noticed that they were becoming famished and tried to help out by bringing a little bread and marinara sauce to the table, which was demolished in twenty-three seconds. She indicated that our food was not arriving anytime soon, so Bill and I ordered another glass of wine and produced more quarters and sent the boys back to the arcade.

Porter used up his quarters first and came to sit on my lap. I jiggled him on my knees and blew on the back of his neck to tickle him. He laughed. I blew in his ear and he squirmed and giggled.

Just then, a little girl walked by our table, staring at Porter.

“Look at that girl,” I said. “She’s got on a pink ruffly sweater and a long blonde ponytail. She’s looking at you. Maybe you should wave.”

“Blugh,” Porter said.

“Wow, she really knows how to accessorize, too,” I continued. “She’s wearing a black headband and a polka dotted bow. She’s still looking. She must think you’re handsome.”

“I don’t care,” Porter said petulantly. He looked at me, his mouth rimmed with Parmesan cheese. “Will you just keep blowing me?”

Ack. I hope I don’t hear that phrase coming out out of his mouth again. It kinda ruined the moment.