May 16, 2006

Hanging With Aunt Lulu

My youngest sister (of “Movin’ On Down” fame) came down to visit this weekend and stayed with us. The boys were tremendously excited to have Aunt Lulu in the house. They were intrigued by her visible belly, which we taught them to call a “bump” so they’d be up on tabloid-speak. It didn’t take long for us to realize that Aunt Lulu is at that stage in her pregnancy where she’s pretty much ruled by her stomach.

She got a good look at living in the ‘burbs with boys. I’d made sure her room and bathroom were immaculate Friday morning. But by the time she made it to her room Friday afternoon, Porter had already peed in her bathroom without raising the toilet seat, leaving glistening yellow drops of urine winking on the porcelain. The mother-to-be was completely grossed out, and I sent all three boys in with paper towels and 409 to clean the place up and reinforce the idea that that particular toilet was off limits to them for the remainder for the weekend. I’m pretty sure Aunt Lulu inspected the potty carefully before sitting on it again, though.

Saturday Lulu and I ran by the store to get some milk and orange juice, but we left with much more: three kinds of cheese, fancy crackers, artichoke dip, fruit, muffins, cinnamon rolls, Drumsticks, Klondike bars, ice cream sandwiches, and a gallon each of vanilla and mint chocolate chip. None of these items were on my grocery list but Aunt Lulu was insistent that they had to be purchased to ensure her happiness.

The boys helped unload groceries when we got home. They screamed in ecstasy as they saw the delights contained within the shopping bags, and they fell more in love with Aunt Lulu than ever.

During dinner Finn told Aunt Lulu about the time in second grade when he hit a girl who he described as “a really annoying tattle-tale.” Drew and Porter snickered and acted like they thought it was a cool story until we reminded them that we punished Finn by removing everything from his room except his mattress and a lamp for an entire week.

“Even his Legos?” Porter asked.

“Yes,” Bill said.

“What about his baseball cards?” Drew asked.

“We took them all away,” I answered.

“That was way harsh,” Finn commented.

“Are you going to eat the rest of that hot dog, Finn?” Aunt Lulu asked, looking hungrily at his plate. He handed it over. After dinner Finn gave us a drum concert and Porter and Drew wrestled. Aunt Lulu acted appropriately impressed with their talents.

After church Sunday Lulu and I bought some annuals, then she sat in a chair and ate ice cream while I planted zinnias. Soon Aunt Lulu announced she was craving pasta, so we hauled ass to my favorite Italian restaurant. We watched Aunt Lulu indulge in penne with a yummy carbonara sauce and then eyeball my veggie calzone. I didn’t let her have any.

Although Aunt Lulu left early yesterday morning, we still have lots of leftover food to remember her by. I predict a big, healthy baby.