May 19, 2006

Dead Pets Society: The Hermit Crabs

When I was looking through my archives I realized that the Glamore family has managed to kill a substantial number of pets. Additionally, I’ve made it clear that my feelings for our current dog are less than favorable. I’ve heard from some concerned animal lovers, and I thought it only fair that I address their concerns.

Today’s topic: The Hermit Crabs

Frankie, Bobby and Clyde, the hermit crabs, were the latest victims of our negligence. While I was in Africa, the boys went to the beach with Aunt Su, their cousins and our babysitter Angela, and they all made a trek to Alvin’s Island. I thought this store was solely the home of the airbrushed bikini, but it must sell other treasures because the boys came home with the three crabs and cage as shown below:

You can click on the link above if you’ve forgotten the whole story, but the short version is that the crabs came, they raced, Clyde died, Frankie and Bobby ran away, and we’ve never seen them again.

We kept thinking that Bobby and his neon turquoise shell might show up, so we never held a funeral. The Glamores forgot about the hermit crabs long ago.

However, a reader named “A Hermit Crab Lover” was understandably upset with the treatment the crabs received from us. The Lover provided a lengthy comment with lots of information about hermit crabs that should be helpful to those of you contemplating such a purchase:

I think mabe before you get pets you should do more research on them. If properly cared for hermit crabs can live to be as old as 20 in captivity! You need to get a much bigger tank (atleast a ten gallon min. for 3 craps.) And some way to keep humidity up to atleast 70%, due to the fact that hermit crabs breath through modifed gills. also, hermit crab food you get in pet stores is not good quality, you should make your own. Hermit crabs should be provided with both salt and fresh water to drink. When a hermit crab comes out of it’s shell it is a sign of low humidity. Also, please do not buy painted shells, they are toxic to the crabs. If you plan on getting more crabs please do some research first. Hermit crabs are not “throw away pets” they are living creatures with feelings just like dogs and cats. I will check back later for yuor reply [sic]

Holy hell! I always thought hermit crabs were low maintenance pets, but The Lover has set me straight. I don’t have any idea how large a twenty year old hermit crab would be, but dang– twenty years is an eternity.

I remember when Finn was born. He wasn’t especially cute, he cried all the time and I found out I’m not much for little babies. I feared that it might actually turn out that I wasn’t a fan of toddlers, preschoolers, elementary students, and so on, but somewhere along the way things changed and I fell in love with my son. Before that happened, however, I comforted myself with the fact that at least I’d only have to deal with him for eighteen years and then he’d go off to college or move out and go live somewhere else.

It turns out you’re potentially making a bigger commitment when you buy a hermit crab than when you have a child. A child born this year should go to college in 2024. A hermit crab purchased this year could live until 2026. In your house.

Also note that The Lover recommends that you make the hermit crab’s food rather than buying it. As a mom who’s already taught her boys to use the coffee maker and make bacon and scrambled eggs themselves, this is a downer. Even if you buy an exceptionally intelligent crab, I don’t think you’ll ever teach it to use the microwave and make its own Easy Mac.

The Glamores will not be purchasing any more hermit crabs. We’re currently on schedule to be empty-nesters in 2017 and I certainly don’t want to have to hang around the house making homemade hermit crab food until 2026.

I’d like to thank The Hermit Crab Lover for this valuable information.

Posted by Anne Glamore @ 1:55 pm • Animal Stunts - Pets        Stumble it!

RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI

One Response to “Dead Pets Society: The Hermit Crabs”

1. May 20th, 2008 at 2:07 pm, My Tiny Kingdom » Cramped Quarters With The Guys Says:

   [...] years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Dead Pets Society: The Hermit Crabs Posted by Anne Glamore @ 2:07 pm • Frolic and Detour: Sports, Out Of Control, Wanderlust [...]