June 8, 2006

Notes From North Carolina

Dear Pissed-Off Travelers On I-85 South:

That was me in the white minivan with the “Mom’s Taxi” magnet on the back. I realize I was driving obscenely fast. I understand how terrifying it is when someone races up behind you and almost hits your rear bumper before moving into the left lane to pass. It was not proper highway etiquette at all. I’m sorry.

It’s just that my boys and I were enjoying an intoxicating game of License Plate Bingo on our way home from dropping Finn at camp. As we hit Atlanta, both Porter and I were just one state away from making Bingo.

I don’t blame you at all for honking and making profane hand gestures as I whizzed by. I told the boys that’s how people in other states greet each other on the highway.

The writing on license plates sure is small these days.

An Apologetic Bingo Winner (Thanks To The Semi From Nebraska),

Anne Glamore

++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Asheville Appleby’s Waitress:

It was our last night in your town and I was weary of hanging out with three boys and no adults. When we entered your establishment and each of my boys ordered chicken fingers for the third night in a row, I thought it was going to be a predictable evening. Your wine selection (yet another glass of Kendall-Jackson chardonnay, the wine of choice for family-friendly restaurants everywhere) did nothing to raise my hopes. When “I Saw The Sign” by Ace of Base began playing, I groaned, ordered two glasses instead of one and resigned myself to the situation.

But Desiree, you came through for me. I cannot thank you enough for spotting Finn’s retainer lying on our table, buried under dirty napkins, half-eaten baskets of chicken fingers and a puddle of milk.

I didn’t discover it was missing until we’d returned to our cabin. I made Finn bathe his brothers and wash their hair as penance while I drove back to the restaurant to retrieve the costly orthodontic appliance, which you had carefully packaged in a to-go box. What a sweet touch!

Your visual acumen is particularly noteworthy given that the table was dark brown and the retainer is blue and orange. Have you considered taking up License Plate Bingo? You’d totally rock at it, without putting your passengers’ lives in jeopardy.

A Satisfied Customer Despite The Sucky Music,

Anne Glamore