June 18, 2006

Take Them Down Or Leave Them Up?

My youngest sister is coming to stay with me at the end of the week, so I’ve been trying to erase vestiges of little boyness from the guest room and the surrounding environs so she’ll be comfortable. I’ve tossed Legos and broken crayons and forbidden anyone to pee in the toilet she’ll be using.

Aunt Lulu is expecting her first child soon. Therefore, she doesn’t generally share her space with three grimy, loud boys and the mess that inevitably accompanies them. She is the one who caught a glimpse of my dining room and politely advised me that my laundry situation is somewhat out of control. It was when I visited her spotless apartment in New York that I realized just how different our standards of what constitutes acceptable filth are. It seems that I accept it (out of necessity) and she doesn’t.

Cleaning out my laundry room has been on my list for a long time, and her upcoming visit provided an excellent excuse for tackling that chore. The room contains eight and a half years of accumulated junk and grime, including more candles and vases than even Martha Stewart could use. I ruthlessly tossed most of them.

(click to see vases on floor, chairs covered in candles)

Once I got everything cleared out of the laundry room, I discovered a viscous yellow goo on the floor that proved to be difficult to remove. I’m not sure if it was melted Minwax or solidified dishwashing liquid, but it held ancient kibble captive and left the floor extremely slippery.

(click to see goo!)

During my project, I discovered where Porter gets his love of collecting esoteric items. Now that the cabinets are organized I can showcase one of Bill’s favorite collections: Every Sort Of Light Bulb You Can Imagine.

Today I inspected my house carefully to see what else I could do to spiff it up for Aunt Lulu’s visit. Everything looked just like it had for months, and then I realized I’ve never completely undecorated from Christmas.

This is not to say that my Christmas tree is still up– it’s not. But we clear a corner of the living room where we put the tree, and it’s still bare.

I have some pictures that generally hang on the wall there, and I haven’t rehung them yet. They are waiting patiently on the floor.

I did take the Mexican nativity scene off the coffee table, but it never made it back to the attic. It’s packed in a box and hidden behind a chair in the living room. Joseph was beheaded in all the excitement and I meant to Gorilla Glue his sombrero back on, but I just haven’t gotten around to it.

(click to see Joseph’s head)

During the holidays I put gold sparkley candles on my sconces. The rest of the year I replace them with more subtle ivory candles, but again, I’ve been a busy lady. Some people might think they look garish in June, but I agree with Auntie Mame– we need glitz in our lives all year long.

(Click and sing “We need a little Christmas, right this very minute!”)

After Christmas dinner, I washed the napkins. Then I read an article that said that you could take them from the washer and put them in the freezer until you are ready to iron them for your next dinner. Well, I’m not ready yet.

Below is a simple holiday decoration that looks incredible in the bathroom. You fill a fishbowl with kosher salt, add a single taper and light it. Guests who have to take a leak get a zippy and unique experience. (I also had dainty hand towels on the table, too, but they are now laundered and frozen, as illustrated above.)

Now that it’s summer and the salt has hardened into a solid mass, the setup looks like a pale phallus mocking the festivities of yesteryear.

Remember when I let Porter create the decor for the mantel all by himself? It ended up looking like this:

He did another one for the other side of the fireplace and it was cheap and fabulous. I took the branches and ornaments down, but the vases never made it back to the attic. Here’s one hiding behind the rocking chair, next to a ball and a vase filled with lentils and an AA battery:

(It’s disguised in burlap and a gold bow which my Artistic Friend thoughtfully added)

I am feeling proud that I have redecorated the mantel with some purple globular things I got at Pier 1. If Aunt Lulu’s lucky, I might stick some water and flowers in them before her arrival.

Now that Christmas is only six months away, it seems like a lot of work to haul all these holiday accessories up into the attic, which is about 106 degrees. I think it’s more efficient to leave them where they are, view it as a lesson learned about the downside of procrastination, and try to be quicker on the undecorating part of Christmas next year. Aunt Lulu will get to crash here without Legos, but the trio of gold angels will be staying on her bedside table.