September 21, 2006

Finn’s Fashion Wisdom

This morning as we were getting ready for school, Finn said, “Mom, I really love this shirt. It’s so soft and comfortable.”

“Great,” I said, as I brushed a big tangle out of the back of his hair. I think it looks pretty good myself, considering it cost around $10 at Target.

“The girls dig it, too,” Finn remarked, as he started packing up his backpack.

Bill looked up from his Special K with a look of confusion. “How do you know the girls ‘dig it?’” he asked.

“Well, when I wear it, the girls flirt with me,” Finn said, handing me his agenda to sign.

“How do you know they’re flirting?” Bill asked.

Finn looked at Bill pityingly. “Dad, you just know. I mean, when I wear it, they’re like, all over me and stuff.”

“All over you?” I yelped. “Surely you’re exaggerating.”

“If he is, I don’t have any idea at all where he got that from,” Bill said.

“I don’t mean they literally climb on me,” Finn said. “What they do is, like, Kristin will be on the other side of the room, and she’ll say (and here Finn used a high-pitched voice) ‘Finn, would you mind bringing me a pencil?’ Or sometimes they’ll ask for a book or help reaching something on a shelf, but you know they could’ve gotten it themselves.”

“So what do you do?” I asked.

Finn shrugged. “I’ll tell them it’s no problem and I’ll go get the pencil or whatever. What they really mean is that they want to see you walk across the room and use your manly muscles. I figure I’ve got ‘em so I might as well show ‘em off,” he said nonchalantly.

I turned my back to Finn and pretended to be very busy pouring another cup of coffee so he couldn’t see my face.

“So dude,” Bill said, “do you really work it?”

“Oh yeah,” Finn answered. “I make sure I flex my muscles while I walk across the room and back, because that’s what the girls really want to see. The pencil is just an excuse.”

Just then Chatty Mom drove up and honked and all the boys ran out the door.

Bill and I looked at each other, processing this new information.

“Honey, do you think we ought to go ahead and start saving up for a home condom machine?” Bill asked. “I think we might need it for peace of mind.”