September 14, 2006

We Have A Baby!

He arrived September 13th– all eight and a half pounds of him. He’s beautiful and laid back like his dad. He’s feeding well, but I’m pretty sure he was thinking, “This breastmilk is great and everything, but could I get a side order of grits?”

Thanks to all for your prayers and warm wishes. Between us, my sisters and I now have five boys and a princess. What a lovely bunch of kids.

I’m back in the Tiny Kingdom, and as soon as I get things in order here, I’ll update you on the Breast Wars. Even in a cast, I fought the good fight. Stay tuned!

September 12, 2006

I Don’t Know Nuthin’ ‘Bout Birthin’ Babies, Apparently

Although I couldn’t birth the baby, I did my best to help Aunt Lulu do so.

She tried everything to induce labor naturally, except the nipple-rubbing and the castor oil, which she deemed extreme. She walked, climbed stairs, ate the foods you suggested, and drank raspberry leaf tea. Her husband massaged the web between her thumb and forefinger, her ankle above her Achilles, and her calf about four inches above her inner ankle. Together, she and I cleaned out her spice drawer and she painstakingly glued all the Christmas cards she’s received from her friends over the last five years into a fancy scrapbook– truly the activity of a woman who had nested so long that she was about to run out of projects.

After all that, she was still spry as ever (I exaggerate a little– she was still attracting panicky looks from passers-by since it appeared she was hiding a humongous turducken underneath her shirt) so she went to the doctor yesterday and was scheduled for induction this morning.

When I talked to Finn last night, he sighed and said, “Mom, the house has never been as dirty as it is now. I can really tell you’ve been gone.”

In the background I heard Bill howl, “Dude! Keep it to yourself! Go grab the vacuum or start some wash if that’s the way you feel!”

Bill has had a remarkably good attitude about shouldering all roles: lawyer, parent, cook, coach, disciplinarian and so forth. His support has been invaluable; I certainly would not have felt free to represent our family up here if he wasn’t completely on board.

Aunt Lulu and her husband are perfectly capable of having a baby without anyone from our side of the family being present. But we’ve had a difficult year coping with my mom’s unexpected death and the events that followed. My sisters and I have relied heavily on each other these last months, and we believed that it was imperative that at least one of us be present. My other sister is flying up next week to help the post-partum Aunt Lulu, so she’ll be smothered in Southern, sisterly love.
Aunt Lulu’s laboring now, so keep the prayers coming for a safe delivery.

ps - I found a doctor to remove my cast, which had gotten wet and smelly and needed to come off anyway. Unfortunately, my fractures had not healed, so the doctor recast it. My new cast doesn’t have a single signature, so I walk the streets of this big city looking like a friendless, uncoordinated roller-blader. Sniff.

In other news, a lady at a lingerie store here diagnosed me as a 34AA. She was really old and smelled of lavender, so I figured she’d seen her share of boobs in her day. This knowledge, of course, means that I fought The Breast Wars Part 1 and Part II at a distinct disadvantage, as I was thinking I was 36 inches round. I’m contemplating a rematch when the cast comes off.

September 6, 2006

Babywatch Continues

My life is now totally being controlled by a small human not yet out of the womb. (Actually, if Aunt Lulu follows the examples set by her sisters, the baby will be a big-ass kid, not a petite little thing, and will wear size 1 diapers for two weeks and then go directly into size 3’s, but I try not to remind her of that since she’s so uncomfortable just getting off the couch to grab another brownie).

Bill flew home and I had decided to stay up here a couple of days longer. At first I’d booked a flight home for this morning, but then I realized that if I did fly home and Lulu called to say that she was in labor, I’d drive right back to the airport and get on the next plane to New York so I could be with her. I called Bill and told him this.

“Well, if you feel that strongly about it, you should just stay up there,” he said sensibly. “It doesn’t make a hill of beans’ worth of sense to fly home just to turn around and take an expensive flight back.”

“But I feel caught in a fierce tug-of-war between my nuclear family and my family of origin,” I said melodramatically.

People who’ve been to lots of counseling and therapy casually throw those terms around, forgetting that others don’t know that your ‘nuclear family’ is the family you create after you get married. Lots of people try to make sure their nuclear family ends up nothing like their dysfunctional ‘family of origin.’

“What the hell? Is that a fancy way of saying you’re trying to worry about Aunt Lulu and me and the boys? You can stop that, because we’re doing fine,” Bill said. “It’ll just be harder on you to make plans for the boys and get them to me, but work isn’t crazy this week so if that’s what you want to do, go for it.”

“But what do you think I ought to do?” I pressed. I was thinking about the three boys I haven’t seen in several days already, and the fact that no one would be there to fix decent dinners. My sons were probably missing buttoning my clothes and blowdrying my hair.

“Honey, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event and you’re already up there. It seems clear to me. You should stay. Aunt Lulu needs you more than we do right now.”

Those were exactly the words I needed to hear. So I’m staying.

Lulu’s taking suggestions on anything she can do to induce labor. She’s eaten mounds of lamb vindaloo, pineapple, eggplant, hot tamales, and fiber filled smoothies. Our current thinking is that perhaps eating spicy food encourages the baby to stay put. Lulu’s husband is from New Orleans and puts Tabasco on everything he eats even before he tastes it. My boys are convinced he puts it on ice cream and cereal but I think he’s joking when he says that. Anyway, his baby may be enjoying the ethnic foods, and Lulu is contemplating switching to a bland diet to lure the baby out.

When we walk down the street, Lulu addresses her belly and says, “Mama will put some breastmilk in a bottle and add some Tabasco if you come on out!” in her sweetest, most southern twang.

We’ve been walking in the Park each morning, and last night Lulu trudged up and down the stairs of the Met while her husband was running. I bet that was worth seeing. She got a pedicure and asked for extra foot rubbing, but that didn’t seem to produce any results.

If you’ve got helpful exercises, let us know, but I’ll go ahead and tell you that she does not intend to rub her nipples for six hours a day, even if doing so will guarantee a delivery in twenty-four hours. There’s a point at which fun experimentation crosses the line into madness, and that’s where she draws the line.

So Babywatch 2006 continues. We’re running last minute errands and getting excited.

Keep the prayers coming for a safe delivery!

ps - If any readers in Manhattan know someone who can saw off this cast, PLEASE contact me! My doctor in Alabama has cleared me for cast removal, and I have my splint up here. I really need to get this smelly thing off before I start hacking on it manically with a steak knife. Plus it’s easier to cuddle a baby without fiberglass in the way. anneglamoreATgmailDOTcom Thanks!

September 4, 2006

Love And A Baby, I Hope

I’m in New York with Aunt Lulu, on Babywatch 2006. It’s Labor Day, damn it, and I intend for her to go into labor. We walked in Central Park earlier and her ripe belly garnered lots of attention. When you’re in the middle of your pregnancy, people tend to glance at your tummy and smile, as if to say, “Ah! The joy of new life is here before me.”

Aunt Lulu’s abdomen and protrusive navel drew looks of a different type, ranging from disgust ( “No way I’ll get that big when I’m pregnant”) to amazement (”I can’t believe that girl is still walking!”) to concern (”I don’t want my child to watch a live birth here on the Great Lawn.”)

Bill and I came up here Thursday to celebrate our wedding anniversary and his fortieth birthday. As per usual, I was unable to leave town without a child sustaining a head injury; Finn was re-concussed Tuesday night at football practice and I was sore afraid that I would have to spend Wednesday getting a CT scan instead of a manicure, but fortunately the doctor ruled out the need for that test and I flew up here with beautiful nails.

We had four whole nights to ourselves with no children. We ate, shopped, watched tennis, and took advantage of all the city has to offer, but I think Bill and I would both agree that the highlight of our stay was being able to sit on the couch in front of the TV and kiss without any boys nearby. We haven’t had that freedom in a decade and it was so exhilarating that we spent quite a bit of time remembering how much fun it can be to sort of watch a movie amd make googly eyes at each other.

Large Lulu is due any day and has been “feeling weird” which is how I felt just before I discovered I would be having the twins about five minutes later. Based on her symptoms, Bill flew home this morning while I stayed to try to greet this baby in person and assist Aunt Lulu.

Actually, I’m not very helpful in terms of advising her on the pregnancy or labor. I’ve never knowingly been pregnant for more than seven months, and I’ve never realized I was in labor, either, but I don’t think I was ever in danger of dropping a baby out in the middle of a 7-11 like you hear about sometimes on Hard Copy. Pretty much the only pieces of advice I have for her are:

1. Don’t worry about the epidural. It’s like a bee sting. That doesn’t mean you have to act all macho and inspect the needle, though; and
2. If it’s a boy, point the penis down when putting on a new diaper.

I do have a list of things that need to be done once she hits the hospital, and maybe I’ll sneak her husband a shot of scotch if he looks like he’s getting freaky.

I’ll be here until Thursday morning, so those of you who are praying people, please pray that I’m in the right place in the right time. Aunt Lulu and I would appreciate it.