Stumble it!
June 4, 2007
Penguin Fillets
“We’re eating sardines and making brownies for a lemonade stand,” Bill reported when he called.
I wasn’t surprised by either activity. Summer is only a week old, and profits and penguins have emerged as the major topics of conversation and activity thus far. The boys have set up increasingly complex lemonade stands each day. Their first endeavor, in which they sold Fresh-baked Pound Cake and Ice-Cold pink lemonade with TONS of Cubes (signs and adjectives courtesy of Finn) garnered each boy over five dollars. The next day they got more creative with their offerings– a little too innovative, if customer response is any indication, and failed to sell much Hand-Dyed Brown Lemonade, although the sugar cookies were a modest hit.
Drew has slept with a stuffed penguin named Lewis for years, and he just added another named Osbert (hero of the book My Penguin Osbert
Drew was disappointed, but I missed the tears because I had to leave town. During my absence Bill convinced Drew that sardines were an integral part of penguin nutrition, and that was enough to persuade all three boys to munch sardines and crackers for lunch. In return, Bill made Fresh & Hot Super Chocolatey brownies and spent the afternoon drinking beer and watching golf while the boys manned the lemonade stand. They’re going to need a license and insurance if they keep up this frantic pace.
Meanwhile, I’ve been in New York attending a writers’ conference and the Book Expo. I met many top-notch literary agents, which is exactly what you need if you have a book you want to sell. I’ve gotten lots of encouragement from you guys (”When are you going to write a book so I can quit snorting coffee onto my keyboard?” has been a common refrain). Additionally, I’ve received positive feedback from a man I’ll identify only as “a publishing bigwig” and so I’ve decided it’s time to quit screwing around with the idea of a book and fish or cut bait. The manuscript, a compilation of the columns that have provoked the most laughter and comments, is ready, so I need an agent and a bit of luck.
Two sessions at the conference were worth noting. One keynote speech is nicely summarized here, and stressed the importance of having an internet presence to market yourself and your work these days. My blog originally attracted iVillage’s attention and led to my writing this column for them for a year, which greatly expanded my readership and ability to churn out two columns a week. I’d consider myself proof that the Internet is a fantastic tool for attracting readers.
I was surrounded by attendees who were mystified by the web, and it was reassuring to know that I’ve watched this site grow for two and a half years, and have ended up with a lot of book material and close friends in the process. I have all of you to thank for that.
Another speaker’s talk was directed primarily to novelists. He urged writers to pay attention to their daydreams, as these out of body experiences convey your innermost fears which serve as the linchpin of your ….. yeah, I didn’t follow it either. It sucked that I seemed to be the only person in the room who wasn’t nodding beatifically. I was busy wondering when the hell anyone has time to daydream anymore. Between the kids, the column, the law practice, and the always nutritious dinners, my brain resembles a to-do list scramble.
Oddly, the speaker emphatically rejected the notion that dreams at night could be of any use, and although I doubt his sanity overall, I was glad to get a solid ruling banning the the use of dreams as a creative catalyst. Drew’s heavy emphasis on penguins combined with a few too many ads for Happy Feet has caused me to have penguin nightmares.
Generally Bill and I wander the Arctic naked and famished, wishing for a down jacket and a hot meal, and all we find is a penguin and a soup pot. You would think we’d clean and gut the animal, but in the nightmare we simply lay the Osbert-like creature on his side and slice him into fillets and then make a foul-tasting penguin soup.
It’s the kind of dream that will leave you craving some creamed herring.
Posted by Anne Glamore @ 1:37 pm • Boys: Demented & Dangerous, Deep Thoughts, Glamorous Escapades Stumble it!
Stumble it!
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June 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm, Clearlykels Says:
Oh yay! A book.
I hope you’ve been having a fabulous time in NY.
June 4th, 2007 at 2:13 pm, Charro Says:
Good luck with everything! I sold tadpoles when I was your boys age on southwood road…bananas too! I wanted to have something for everyone! haha Charro
June 4th, 2007 at 5:10 pm, Shell Says:
Which conference were you at? Was it the Backspace conference?
June 4th, 2007 at 5:22 pm, Kelly Says:
Wahoo! A book! I believe I compared you to a modern-day Erma Bombeck (one of my heroes - I started reading her stuff in the paper when I was 7). If I can make it to Birmingham when you have your first signing I will stand in line to meet you!
June 4th, 2007 at 8:23 pm, Kenrda Says:
I wondered where you were, I keep checking your site for my humor fix. A book would be a delight, I can’t wait. Loved the bit about the sardines. If they like those you might want to try ‘em out on smoked oysters- my pregnancy delicacy.
June 4th, 2007 at 9:42 pm, Katherine Says:
My 8 yo loves sardines too. He recently tried roasted eel. Maybe Drew and the penguins would like that.
You obviously have either more patient kids or a better lemonade stand location. Mine tried one day and only made 50 cents. Of course, they were probably out there less than 30 minutes.
June 5th, 2007 at 12:16 am, Mamaluv Says:
I only found your blog recently and love it! Many well-deserved congratulations to you on this exciting new opportunity.
June 5th, 2007 at 9:31 am, Lauren Says:
Exciting news about a possible book! And “hand dyed brown lemonade”–that’s genius, although I have no idea what would make lemonade brown!
June 5th, 2007 at 11:36 am, Peeved Michelle Says:
When I was working on a novel, I did daydream a lot and it was useful to the book. My daydreams weren’t my innermost fears. For me, in writing fiction, I have to envision it before I can write.
However, I wouldn’t rule out nighttime dreams because a couple nights ago I lured Brad Pitt into a field of tall grass where we made sweet, sweet love. Who wouldn’t want to read about that?
June 5th, 2007 at 12:51 pm, GiBee Says:
yes, well … all I have to say about this book is … you had better include the story of teaching your son about the birds and the bees, because frankly, it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read … and I’ve read a lot of funny things!
June 5th, 2007 at 4:00 pm, Joy Says:
It’s about dern time the book comes out, sheesh. :-p So happy, can’t wait till it hits the bookstores!
June 5th, 2007 at 5:33 pm, Karin B Says:
I’m looking forward to reading your book. Herring and sardines…I like them too. You can find herring sometimes at Sam’s but I like to buy Swedish ABBA (nothing to do with the the band) herring at IKEA. Add sour cream and you’ll have creamed herring, so to speak…
June 7th, 2007 at 1:22 am, lexi Says:
can’t wait to read the book–fingers crossed for your bit of luck! i just tried to comment on the last two posts, but the box didn’t come up which has happened to me quite a bit recently…
first–love the boys’ cootie contraption. i have the opposite here, but my 8yo wouldn’t be caught dead catching and kissing. the boy crazy 6yo on the other hand is a different story!
second–my girls desperately need the cookie and chip clip sessions (again!), esp. the part about back to the pantry. only my husband’s not qualified to even be the ta. and i love the $5 fine/buy back fee!