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August 20, 2007
Help A Clueless Soccer Family
The minivan, the suburbs and the fact that David Beckham bears an uncanny resemblance to my own sexy husband might have led you to conclude that I’m a typical soccer mom. I fit the demographic, except that until now, none of the boys has played much soccer.
Recently Finn joined a competitive soccer team (Long story. Summary: my resentment that soccer takes up 5/7 of our week and forced me to reschedule drum lessons has been replaced by grudging acceptance. The other families seem hip and soccer has more action than baseball, fewer concussions than football, and a point, which I fail to see in basketball).
None of the Glamores knows a thing about soccer, except that I am aware of the hotness of the aforementioned David Beckham, which I have witnessed first-hand, and his alleged talent, which I have not.
At the game yesterday the referee kept calling “off-sides” and I thought that meant that the ball rolled out of bounds and had to be thrown in by the other team. Sadly, I soon learned that this innocuous term has a complicated meaning having to do with where people are when someone kicks at the goal. I think.
At dinner last night we ascertained that no member of our family, including Finn, understands the “off-sides” rule.
If I lived in Nashville, I could run over to BusyMom or Lindsay’s and ask, because it seems they’ve been living soccer for the last decade.
Since I can’t, I turn to you, readers. I know there are plenty of you out there who can explain this so we can understand it. Best explanation wins.
Play ball!
I don’t want to pick on soccer so early (I haven’t even met the hirsute coach) so you can read how I reacted when football threatened to take over our lives (and DRUMS) here.
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August 20th, 2007 at 9:01 am, merry Says:
I understand offsides well enough to know what they’re talking about, but not well enough to explain it without considerable technical expertise from my very athletic, played-soccer- in-college husband.
It does have to do with where people are lined up, but not necessarily for kicking a goal. Soccer offsides is similar to football offsides, in case it’s easier to find a football expert to explain it than a soccer expert.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:05 am, Sandra Says:
If your team has the ball, only the guy with the ball can be between the goal and players on the other team. I think. Basically, you can’t have a guy on your team hanging around the goal, waiting for the ball to be passed to him to score.
Of course, I’ve only been a soccer mom for 4 years, and we spend more time chatting on the sidelines than actually watching. Well, we atch and cheer, but we don’t really understand. We just act like we do. And we’re good at it!
August 20th, 2007 at 9:12 am, marie Says:
There should be at least two opponents between the attacker and the goal-line. It is not an offense to stand in an off-side position, but a player will be penalized for being off-side
if the ball is passed to them and they
continue the play. The purpose of off-side
is to prevent “goal hangers”, players that
position themselves close to the goal, to
receive a pass, and easily kick it into the
goal. An exception is if the ball is
received directly from a goal kick, corner
kick, or a throw-in. Having spent the last
13 years as a soccer parent, I have picked up
on a rule or two. Good luck!
August 20th, 2007 at 9:29 am, Busy Mom Says:
What Marie said.
In order to go past the last defender, or fullback, (on your way to score a goal)you have to have the ball.
That keeps people from lurking at the goal to receive a pass.
If you do not have the ball, you have to be in line with the last defender (or closer to the center line than he is)in order to receive a pass legally.
That’s why you’ll notice the line judge stays even with the last defender, it’s his or her job to watch for players offside.
You can stand in a offside position (past the last defender), but, you can’t receive a pass there. In order to get the pass, you have to run back ahead of that defender.
The defense will try to lure the offensive player offside by making sudden moves that leaves the offensive player offside.
So, if you have a kid who plays offense, then they need to be aware of where the last defender is.
If you have a kid who plays defense, then they need to learn how to try to lead the offense offside.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:12 am, Karin Says:
To me the “off-sides” rule was best explained in the 2002 British film called “Bend it Like Beckham” in which the father of one player showed his wife how it worked by using a salt shaker, pepper shaker and a ketchup bottle as they ate lunch.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:24 am, raine Says:
I have no idea, and it looks like others have filled you in. I just thought I’d share my own tale of !
August 20th, 2007 at 10:27 am, raine Says:
meep - cut off my comment:
my own tale of bad-soccer-mom-dom:
http://www.crazymokes.com/2007/04/16/soccer-game.html
August 20th, 2007 at 10:34 am, Buf Says:
Karin-
I’m totally with you on that “Bend It Like Beckham scene”. It was the first thing I thought of and I actually played soccer as a kid…lol
August 20th, 2007 at 10:58 am, Marnie Says:
I played soccer since I was five years old and so did both of my brothers. As people have explained, off sides has to do with where the offensive players are positioned when someone on their team passes the ball towards the goal (the one they are shooting on).
So for example, let’s say the red team is playing the blue team…If someone on the “red” team is approaching the goal and passes to a teammate, their teammate cannot be standing closer to the goal than the members of the blue team. If they are, the ref will hopefully call off sides. This rule leads the defense to try to pull off sides traps (i.e. the ball is kicked out of their goal end and they all scramble forward).
Hope there wasn’t too much technical language in the explanation. I think now you need to see it again and it will come make sense.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:04 am, Clearlykels Says:
Just wait– if they like lacrosse, then you have to learn where the crease is and why they have to stay out of it.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:27 pm, jenny uk Says:
You would think that I would know about football coming from the land that gave you David Beckham but I know nothing about it, have never watched a game, dont follow it at all, you either do or you dont here and you be surprised how many really dont care for it in the UK!
August 20th, 2007 at 1:40 pm, alala Says:
My attempt:
If you pass the ball to a teammate, and the teammate is standing closer to the goal than any of the opponents (except the goalie) then it’s offside.
Also, I don’t see the resemblance. Your husband is miles sexier than David Beckham.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:11 pm, Jessie Says:
You know, I played soccer as a kid for a few years, but I have no idea how to play at all. I know you’re supposed to kick the ball, and not touch it with your hands, but other than I’m clueless. I guess I must have missed the important lessons while I was doing cartwheels and picking clovers to make clover chains.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:06 pm, Blue Momma Says:
I don’t have a clue about soccer, but consider it a lesser evil than football. I don’t care for football, I’m not for Alabama or Auburn, and yes, I most certainly was born in Alabama.
When my Punkin’ is old enought to play a sport, I’ll definitely steer him towards soccer. I’ll be clueless, but I’ll be there.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:06 pm, Kathy Says:
When are y’all getting back to baseball?? I used to run into you from time to time during Allstars.
Mine are all traveling now…which just means more $$ and more time. Good thing they love it.
August 21st, 2007 at 12:53 am, LN Says:
I played soccer for 11 years and I still find off sides confusing.
Here’s the way I simplified it to make sense for myself. Tactical style.
When on offense: Always keep at least one person from the other team between yourself and the goal until the ball has been passed (either by or to you).
On Defense: Try to get the other team offsides. (You can use the offensive tactic in reverse just be sure that you are close enough to run down the guy with no one between him and the goal incase the ref. doesn’t call offisdes).
Actually my real defensive off sides trap strategy is kind of long and I don’t know if Finn even plays defense so I thought I’d spare you the gory details. However, if he/you are interested in the extended version I can pass it along to you. Looks like you got a lot of great responses. Hope this helps!
August 21st, 2007 at 9:32 am, For The Love... Says:
Love to help but we don’t have soccer down here. Our area is all about FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL-then a small hiatus before BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL. We had our last baseball game the 27th of July and our first football practice Aug. 2nd. Sweat and balls….
August 21st, 2007 at 9:34 am, Mamaluv Says:
Anne, I’ve been soccer mom for the last 4 seasons. I always think I know an offside, so when the ref doesn’t call one, I turn to my husband and snort:
“bad call, he totally missed that offside!”
He turns to me and says, “you have no idea what you’re talking about, do you?”
Apparently not. So don’t feel bad, you’re not alone! After the posted comments, though, I think I’ve got it. The new season starts in 2 weeks - we’ll find out then…
August 21st, 2007 at 5:33 pm, Jennifer Says:
my kids have been playing soccer for 10 years. i have had off-sides explained to me at least 37 dozen times. i still don’t get it. i believe it’s an arbitrary rule that the refs only call when they have been paid off by one of the teams. at least that’s my take on it. altho my 12 year old daughter, who also plays competitive (we’re united north), totally gets it. maybe i can loan her to you for a game!
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am, bd in bham Says:
The offsides rule prevents an offensive player from being closer to the goal than two of the defensive players unless he has the ball. So tell your son to stay next to the last defender (and not behind the goalie) until the ball passes him. Then he can race the defender to the ball. That will prevent him from being offsides.
P.s. pick a fat defender when available.
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:59 am, Christian Says:
Sorry in advance for this, but the classic “offside explanation for women” runs like this:
“You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and “whilst it is in flight” you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!
BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has “actually been thrown”, it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!”
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:54 pm, kj Says:
I came here via a brilliant blog called ThroughBall (www.throughball.com). Your entry here (and the football entry to which it refers) is excellent. It’s not a problem to admit you don’t understand offsides right off–in fact, I commend you for admitting it up front, then asking for help in understanding it, rather than just deciding that soccer is weird and un-American.
That explanation above is, besides hilarious, pretty well thought out. If you want a bit more of a technical explanation, go where I usually go for info on everything–Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Offside_%28football%29
Remember that “football” and “association football” both mean soccer in this context.
While you’re there, if you find yourself clicking link after link and devouring every piece of information about the game that you can, well, don’t blame me. I didn’t start the phenomenon, I’m just one of its myriad victims.
And after all that, if you find yourself wanting to root for a team besides your son’s (and, of course, you should do that), find a local pro or semi-pro side and start going. This article will probably be very help in understanding how soccer works in the US:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soccer_in_the_United_States
August 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 pm, Crisanne Says:
I totally love that shoe analogy up there. I just wish I knew what a till is…
As for the offsides, I’m guessing you’ve had enough explanations by now and I’ll spare you my version.
I just found your blog from one of your comments on Chris’s site and I’m enjoying your writing!
August 24th, 2007 at 6:28 am, Soccer Dad Says:
Here’s some information we sent to our soccer parents a while back - was way to technical, but helped some - others eye’s glazed over. I think the Bend it like Beckham scene is the best advice
Looks at it this way - when they’re younger, most coaches will tell them ‘Nobody can be past the last defender without the ball’ Then as they get older they add the part about playing the ball to a teammate.
What I’ve found confuses most parents about offside is when there is NO offside. Throwins, corner kicks, and goal kicks - there is no offside. Once the ball is touched by someone, normal offside takes effect (so yes - on a throwin a player can sprint offside while their teammate throws the ball over everyones head and they score - it’s legal)
Also offside only applies in a team’s offensive half of the field. If a teams defenders rush up to help on offsense, leaving the keeper all alone - it’s perfectly fine for the other team to put a player at midfield in what looks like an offside position waiting for the ball.
The other confusing part is always - ‘when the ball is played’ Everyone pretty much knows ’stay even with the last defender (assuming the keeper is by the goal
) What confuses people is it’s not when the ball is RECEIVED but when it is played. So if your son is even with the last defender and one of his buddies kicks the ball - if he sprints towards the goal, into an offside position (behind last defender without the ball) while the ball sails towards him - that’s fine, because he was ok when the ball was kicked ie played to him.
If you want to see a flash animation done by FIFA, go here:
http://www.fifa.com/flash/lotg/football/en/Laws11_01.htm
and click ‘Launch Flash Version’ down in the bottom left corner.
August 24th, 2007 at 2:10 pm, Ken Says:
And remember, you can’t be offsides if you are in your half of the field (the half that your side is defending).
September 26th, 2007 at 1:27 pm, NewsWeber Latest Soccer News » Blog Archive » Help A Clueless Soccer Family Says:
[...] Original post by Anne Glamore [...]
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