Stumble it!
September 5, 2007
Most Unfair Parents EVER Today, Stars on Oprah Tomorrow
Bill and I have hit a milestone. We’ve felt the mixture of helplessness and pride that courses through your veins as the fruit of your loins looks at you and shouts, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. That is SO harsh!”
The child, of course, was Finn, and his failure to make his bed, hang up his wet towels and empty the dishwasher before school– chores that have been explained, typed and posted in his room– had led to his being grounded one afternoon for his first infraction, and two afternoons for the second.
He accepted his first punishment with grim resignation. When he arrived home from school the next day to find a note from Bill outlining his transgressions and the resulting punishment, the indignity was too much to bear.
“I can’t possibly stay in my room for two whole afternoons,” he said. “You have no idea what that’s like.”
I didn’t, but refrained from telling him that an afternoon alone in bed surrounded by books and pillows sounded heavenly to me. I wasn’t the one barred from riding my bike.
Three afternoons in his room made Finn more attentive to his responsibilities, with a corresponding rise in martyred demeanor. It seemed a fair trade.
Meanwhile, Drew and Porter were consistently performing their family obligations until this morning. Lured by the promise of setting a new record for consecutive jumps on his pogo stick, Porter (who takes his chores so seriously that he sets the table for dinner immediately when he gets home from school) left the lights on in his room and dirty clothes on his floor.
Bill wrote the note advising him he’d be confined to his room this afternoon, and I am left to deal with the aftermath. Porter’s reaction will be copious tears, not accusations that we are running a dictatorial regime (which we are).
Surely in the future their wives will thank Bill and me and rave to their friends about their thoughtful husbands and delightful in-laws. Maybe one of them will work for Oprah and we’ll be featured on the show (but I’ll do all the talking) as “best trainers of future husbands EVER!” Our work will be so impressive that they’ll ask us to appear for two days running and we’ll spend the rest of the year answering fan mail.
That might make all this discipline and hate worthwhile, because at the moment, it sucks.
Posted by Anne Glamore @ 8:16 am • Deep Thoughts, Feeling Crotchety, I Birthed 'Em, Now What? Stumble it!
Stumble it!
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September 5th, 2007 at 8:24 am, momumo Says:
yours may actually be a bit young for this - maybe not Finn… I simply tell my kids, guilt them really - I don’t like grounding you anymore than you like being grounded, please don’t make me do the parenting stuff that sucks - I don’t want to have to do it. Your grounding means I don’t have anyone to hang out with, I can’t play (insert something unique to that kid) with you, I have to listen to you (suffer, pout, whine, bitch, gripe - choose age appropriate and child accurate), and you don’t have your responsibilities taken care of which really disappoints me and scares me - what happens when you’re the adult and you aren’t taking care of your responsibilities - are you going to move in with me and dad and expect us to bathe and feed your kids?… You can of course shorten or lengthen this lecture to fit the moment and the child - often I just stop at “Please don’t make me do the parenting stuff that sucks”
September 5th, 2007 at 9:32 am, AnG Says:
Mine are still toddlers, but I hope to have the discipline to stick to your word like you do. It’s hard to be consistent, especially with toddlers. Bravo!
September 5th, 2007 at 9:46 am, Rug's Bug Says:
Sadly, I had to place restrictions on my two 9-years olds last night. They failed to be in the house by the required 6 p.m. curfew. May I be the second guest on Oprah for Meanest Parent of the Year?
September 5th, 2007 at 10:10 am, Jessie Says:
It is entirely possible that I may steal this idea for use with any children I have in the future. I fully intend to be “so harsh” with my kids too.
September 5th, 2007 at 10:32 am, VHMom Says:
Our two girls used to tell their dad and me, “Y’all just suck the fun out of EVERYTHING!”, like that was a bad thing. But now that they’ve reached the advanced ages of 19 and 14, they’ve learned to look around at their friends whose behavior hasn’t changed since they were 6. Now we hear, “Thanks for being so mean and teaching us how to be civilized!”. Major warm fuzzies everytime we hear that! Be patient, it won’t be long until you and Bill hear the same thing from all your boys!
September 5th, 2007 at 11:01 am, Cassie Says:
You can always remind them, that their punishment can exceed far worse limits, or they can kindly keep their mouths shut.
Or would you prefer I clean everything out of your room, except the mattress, pillow, and bedspread. And donate the rest to Goodwill until you learn to behave like a genuine human being?
I’m mean!
September 5th, 2007 at 11:12 am, Karin Says:
It is really hard but the house rules have to be re-enforced but also changed as they grow and become smarter. Just keep at it and look at them and say “I love you very much.”
September 5th, 2007 at 11:49 am, Kelly Says:
Like AnG, I have a hard enough time with toddlers. When I have two teenagers running around here, I think they’ll walk all over me even more effectively than they do now. I don’t know how I’ll manage to stand up to them! You are an inspiration, Anne.
September 5th, 2007 at 12:49 pm, amy Says:
It did not take long for my firstborn to tell me he hated me–he was five (he still is five, actually). He has since said it again, along with “I don’t like you,” and I often say, “I don’t care if you like me. It’s my job to help you become a person OTHER people like.” Mind you, this sounds like I’m calmer than I am. I am not the calm parent around here, but I truly don’t care if my kid doesn’t like me, especially when his behavior is making me not like him so much, either.
And I agree, as another Mom With Boys, about raising future husbands. By God, a huge part of my job is making sure they are good husbands and not self-centered princes who expect their wives to do everything.
So…you stay the path. You are doing great.
September 5th, 2007 at 1:28 pm, Nic Says:
I’m young enough to still have vivid memories of yelling ‘I HATE YOU!!’ at my parents for their ‘mean’ behavior towards me.
Now I don’t think I can thank them enough for turning me into a (I like to think) civilized human being, instead of a whiny princess.
And if the feeling sucks too much, use statistics: there may be 3 boys who don’t like you, but a gazillion people who love you for treating them like this!
September 5th, 2007 at 1:40 pm, Jennifer Says:
It is definitely one of my goals as a parent of a son to train his to be a good husband. Thoughtful, cleanly, romantic, gentlemanly…
Hadn’t thought about possibly being on Oprah, though! That’s a great goal!
September 5th, 2007 at 2:43 pm, lynn Says:
Ooh. I hate hyperbole more than anything else in the world! My 6 year old son will tell me “that’s the worst punishment ever,” for, say, no TV for the rest of the day, and then I give him a time-out until he can think of three that would be worse and tell them to me. Or recently, he said, “you never do anything nice for me,” and I gave him a sheet of paper and made him write down three nice things I had done for him that day - he “couldn’t think of any” so I rattled off a list for him until he said “okay, okay.”
September 5th, 2007 at 4:22 pm, Laura Says:
My *mother* actually taught my daughter to say “You ruined my life” at the ripe old age of 3. She felt that perhaps by hearing the words early, they’d somehow lose their sting by the time she’s 14. I believe, however, that it had more to to do with parental vindication since that was the only complete sentence I uttered to her in the summer of 1982.
September 5th, 2007 at 5:14 pm, Charro Says:
Like the VH Mom, I was the “meanest mom in Mt. Brook. When one of my boys said that to me , I told him that I was proud of that title and no one was taking it away from me… He has since thanked me for being ” so mean.” hahah Just keep up the good work and never lose your sense of humor.
September 5th, 2007 at 5:15 pm, Karen Says:
Jeez, isn’t being a parent really, really hard sometimes? Mind-numbingly hard? The things they never told us before we got into this, right?
Good luck. At least you have teamwork on your side. Hang in there!
September 5th, 2007 at 8:30 pm, rima Says:
Boy, am I glad that, at my kids’ ages, a time-out still takes care of things. Not looking forward to the stage you’re describing!
September 5th, 2007 at 9:58 pm, jean Says:
Ah yes, the Meanest Mom Award. I know it well. And the newest one - “you are abusing my love”. Yes, that little ditty was said by my son (who may or may not live to see 12).
September 5th, 2007 at 10:06 pm, MsRebecca Says:
Maybe try over doing it like I did with my little kiddlings, that’s how I got on
September 6th, 2007 at 6:56 am, Anne Says:
As the mother of 12 year old triplet girls I have only one thing to say - what’s Finn doing 15 years from now? I’m not sure that any of them will deserve(after all their own chore histronics) to have a super helpful husband but My DH & I certainly deserve to have nice in-laws.
September 6th, 2007 at 7:25 am, For The Love... Says:
I am a HM too…Same chores must be done before we leave for school each morning or they are grounded that afternoon. Now that they are older the “no telephone” as part of being grounded is very effective. To make all of this work I have to really think about what they would be the most unhappy loosing and then be prepared to take it away.
I am around their peers during football/cheer practice and am amazed at the way some of those children talk to their parents. In some cases it is a total lack of respect; kids screaming at their Mom’s-telling them “NO” or rolling their eyes and walking away from them. It would never enter one of the FlyingMonkey’s heads to talk to us that way..makes the crappy job of discipline a little easier knowing just how important it is.
September 6th, 2007 at 7:26 am, Mamaluv Says:
I heard something similar from one of my tiny dictators. I had to leave the room so she wouldn’t see my reaction. When I returned, she assumed the reddened face and watery eyes meant I was deeply hurt and promptly apologized.
Feeling wrong about the misunderstanding, I told her how I had found it funny and cute. That just made her madder, so then I had to leave the room again.
I know this is all wrong from a discipline standpoint, but I just find it all too hilarious.
September 6th, 2007 at 8:56 am, Genevieve Says:
As the wife of someone whose mother always picked up after him: THANK YOU!!
(Note: my husband also regrets that he was never trained to pick things up, and works on it. But his default is not to notice it until I point it out to him.)
September 6th, 2007 at 3:20 pm, Lisa in Hoover Says:
You cannot have the statue in FRONT of the Mean Mom Hall of Fame, that place is reserved for me. But you’re welcome to a place of honor. When my kids were tiny, I would tell them I was vying for the Bad Mom Hall of Fame. But my oldest, when she was about 10, said she didn’t like that so I changed it to Mean Mom.
When she was 15, she was grounded for a month after the Flaming Tennis Ball of Death incident. That clinched my title.
September 9th, 2007 at 7:42 am, karyn Says:
Er.
I went through this with my stepson. He’s 22 next month and we get on really well; so - insofar as I can be considered proof positive of ANYTHING it’s that even the Evil Stepmother can come out of these things relatively unscathed. I know it’s crap-ass-misery at the moment but you’ll be okay.
Hang tight; I got money on ya, babe. *hug*
September 10th, 2007 at 8:21 am, My Tiny Kingdom » I’m Making Eggs And I Don’t Mean Scrambled Says:
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