September 6, 2007

The Bustle In The Kitchen

It was like Iron Chef when I walked in the kitchen this morning. Pieces of bread were flying, the boys were wielding knives dripping with condiments, and I had to duck as Finn tossed a banana to Drew, who stuck it in a lunch bag.

My boys always get the plate lunch at school, so I wondered why Porter was putting the finishing touches on a honey and mayonnaise sandwich.

Finn pointed at the school menu, and then I knew.

School cafeteria meatloaf. It may be worse than my mom’s.

Two years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Not A Normal Day 

September 5, 2007

Most Unfair Parents EVER Today, Stars on Oprah Tomorrow

Bill and I have hit a milestone.  We’ve felt the mixture of helplessness and pride that courses through your veins as the fruit of your loins looks at you and shouts, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.  That is SO harsh!”

The child, of course, was Finn, and his failure to make his bed, hang up his wet towels and empty the dishwasher before school– chores that have been explained, typed and posted in his room– had led to his being grounded one afternoon for his first infraction, and two afternoons for the second.

He accepted his first punishment with grim resignation.  When he arrived home from school the next day to find a note from Bill outlining his transgressions and the resulting punishment, the indignity was too much to bear.

“I can’t possibly stay in my room for two whole afternoons,” he said.  “You have no idea what that’s like.”

I didn’t, but refrained from telling him that an afternoon alone in bed surrounded by books and pillows sounded heavenly to me.  I wasn’t the one barred from riding my bike.

Three afternoons in his room made Finn more attentive to his responsibilities, with a corresponding rise in martyred demeanor.  It seemed a fair trade.

Meanwhile, Drew and Porter were consistently performing their family obligations until this morning.  Lured by the promise of setting a new record for consecutive jumps on his pogo stick, Porter (who takes his chores so seriously that he sets the table for dinner immediately when he gets home from school) left the lights on in his room and dirty clothes on his floor.

Bill wrote the note advising him he’d be confined to his room this afternoon, and I am left to deal with the aftermath.  Porter’s reaction will be copious tears, not accusations that we are running a dictatorial regime (which we are).

Surely in the future their wives will thank Bill and me and rave to their friends about their thoughtful husbands and delightful in-laws.  Maybe one of them will work for Oprah and we’ll be featured on the show (but I’ll do all the talking) as “best trainers of future husbands EVER!” Our work will be so impressive that they’ll ask us to appear for two days running and we’ll spend the rest of the year answering fan mail.

That might make all this discipline and hate worthwhile, because at the moment, it sucks.

September 3, 2007

They Didn’t Analyze The Men So I Will

I’m tired of studies scrutinizing every action women take while raising their children, without giving equal time to the men.

Jenn linked to an article about a study that purported to be able to identify mothers at a greater risk for depression based on the way they cradle their babies. Like many such studies, the “scientists” looked only at mothers.

I’ve conducted my own research on the way fathers hold their children and what their body language conveys in various situations:

I am holding you by your twig and berries to confirm that you are male and not a sissy, because all this crying is making me wonder.

I refuse to hold you in my arms and cuddle you because you kept me up all night with your damn wailing.

I have discovered the essential element of childrearing and its name is chianti.

Or a brewski and Mexican food will do.

Business before babies, and “business” is to be broadly interpreted.

Although the football game does not begin for seven hours, I must mentally prepare myself now.

September 2, 2007

Food Photos

Many thanks to Kelly, who not only cooked several of the meals I recommended but also took pictures of them.  Click over and see what a close up picture of bulgogi looks like!