Stumble it!
October 1, 2007
Unscheduled Anatomy Class
It’s a gamble every day. I send the boys to school and hope they’ll act civilized, that they won’t make exquisitely loud armpit farts, that they’ll make smart food choices in the cafeteria. If they retain a smattering of math facts and information about the planets, the year will be a huge success.
Mostly, I don’t want the Glamores to become “those boys” who bully others, who talk back to teachers, who hit, who haven’t learned to be empathetic.
If asked, every mom could identify “The Bad Kid” (or kids) in her children’s grades. Mothers have a gift for honing in on “those” boys early on, and once labeled, it’s hard for “The Bad Kid” to lose the reputation.
So I was extremely upset to receive an email from a close friend, whose son is one of Porter’s best friends.
Hey Anne:
I meant to tell you this. Have Porter fold his hand back to his shoulder then get him to tell you what the skin by the inside of the elbow is supposed to be. My son came home from school the other day w/ this new “anatomy” trick, and I about puked. I swear, I’m not ratting on anybody. Well, maybe I am. Not in a mean way though - I SWEAR! I just think you’re a good enough friend that I can tell you what Porter is teaching others, and as long as {son} doesn’t share any of this w/ {siblings} (or anybody else for that matter), I realize it’s just part of growing up (shit, I guess it is).
I was puzzled. I folded my hand back toward my shoulder and looked at my elbow. All I saw were a few freckles and no Barbara Bush waggle, thanks to the many triceps exercises I do at Jazzercise.
When I asked Porter to perform the maneuver and tell me what his elbow made, his face turned red and he said, “You have to ask Drew. He taught me.”
Drew was standing there, too, and he said, “I didn’t make that up. The Bad Kid showed it to me.”
“But what is it?” I asked impatiently.
“Bend back your elbow,” Drew told Porter. Then he pointed to the crease of skin where the top and bottom of Porter’s arm met, and said triumphantly, “See, The Bad Kid says this looks like where a girl goes pee from.”
Then he and Porter lost their shit at the hilariousness of it all, and I lost my shit over the fact that the boys had been using their arms to emulate vaginas at school, and then shared this knowledge with others.
And I was a little put out with The Bad Kid, who used to be a hitter but now seems to have progressed to more titillating topics. My boys followed right along.
Maybe Porterisfun.com, but he’s also inbigtrouble.org.
Posted by Anne Glamore @ 4:31 pm • Faux Pas, I Birthed 'Em, Now What?, School Today: Eraserboard Jungle Stumble it!
Stumble it!
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October 1st, 2007 at 5:03 pm, lauren Says:
Wow, I’m just sitting back and taking this all in as a mother of a 2 year old boy!
Maybe I won’t be laughing as hard as I laughed at your story in 8 years when mine does this kind of stuff!
October 1st, 2007 at 9:08 pm, Crisanne Says:
I’m just hoping I have a friend as good as yours that filled you in!!
October 1st, 2007 at 11:26 pm, mom2ameliaB Says:
Oh Lordy!! I swear it seems kids fascination with anatomy will always get the best of them. I have no problem with teaching my two-year old about girls having vaginas (which she calls “noonie cats a phrase she apparently pulled out of thin air one day) and boys having penises, but I don’t want her picking up incorrect or worse gross information from the “bad kids” whose moms and dads never seem to punch their parenting time card. I hate having to clean up messes left behind by neglectful and sometimes downright stupid parents. My job is hard enough as it is without having to tend to the trouble their kids cause.
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:48 am, Rick Says:
Ashamed to say perfectly normal. You wouldnt believe the stuff we learned from each other as boys in the fourth grade. At a very respectable Christian School. Yep your kids will never be safe from puberty. Just hope they grow out of it before girls dig the bad dudes. (Six - Ninth Grade) Or they may never grow out of it. If they keep it up keep showing them birthing shows till they don’t want nothing to eat for week
No on the other hand they may start giving pregnant women in publix their opinions on episiotomies drporterisfun.com 
October 2nd, 2007 at 6:21 am, KLee Says:
Well, at least it wasn’t anything worse! My brother got in trouble at that age for ripping a nudie picture out of some magazine (where he got it, I have no idea) and showing it to all the boys in his glass. They were fascinated by breasts at that age. Funny how that never really goes away, does it?
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:08 am, For The Love... Says:
When MonkeyBoy was in preschool he came home every other day to show me a new “pootie noise.”
MonkeyBoy-”Hey Mom I learned how to make pootie noise #4 watch!”
Me-”ECHHHH who taught you that??”
MonkeyBoy-”John Steven”
It was always John Steven.
Imagine my pride when I found out that my boys had taught their friends how to make the MOST disgusting pootie noise ever. It involves a straw that can bend and their armpits….NASTY! For even grosser effect they will wet their armpits….God help me.
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:34 am, Heather Says:
Oh man! See, at the beginning of the post, I was inspired with hope to know I’m not the only mom who sends her son off to school hoping he’ll behave.
Then I read on and realize the worry never ever ends all thru the days of school.
I think I just grew 6 new gray hairs.
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:35 am, Courtney Says:
At least it wasn’t Drew or Porter (or Finn) who made that one up! Thanks, Anne, I have so much to look forward to when I actually have kids.
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:44 am, Karin Says:
Very normal part of growing up. My son found a picture that looked like it was cut out from Playboy or something when he was 8. I found him and his friend giggling so hard, rolling on the floor that I couldn’t help but start laughing myself. Later on I sneaked in his room and made it disappear, never finding out who gave it to him.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:25 am, mandy Says:
You know I had to try this trick to see what you are talking about. I don’t think I got it, oh well.
Is this what I have to look forward to with boys? Remeber one thing: it could always be worse.
October 2nd, 2007 at 11:10 am, zoe Says:
*ashamed* I have one of the bad kids.
October 2nd, 2007 at 11:53 am, Honeybell Says:
My 6 year old son comes home and announces on the first day of school who “the bad kid” is!
I have to say though, I would be cracking up and trying to hard not to show it!!
October 2nd, 2007 at 7:32 pm, Alison Says:
Oh my god! I just about died!!
I have visions, seriously, of my 2.5 year old being that kid…the “educator” that no one should be allowed to learn from!!
Love IT!
Alison
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:01 pm, Melissa Says:
Thanks for stopping by and giving me your suggestion on the sleeping powder. It’s a cool idea and I agree with the power of suggestion! I might have to try a different version, but it is definitely an idea to think about! Have a great day!
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:59 pm, Cassie Says:
Oh my gosh, I just spewed my Coke outta my mouth completely. I am dying here. I am so so sorry.
Cassie
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:46 pm, rima Says:
Oh my stars! That is hilarious! I mean . . .I’m sorry that your son was teaching his classmates to make a female body part with his elbow.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
BTW, I have not forgotten about your shelfari invite, I’m just incredibly lazy and haven’t gotten around to performing the requisite 2 or 3 mouse clicks that it would take to get me in. But I will.
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 pm, creative-type dad Says:
LOL - I feel guilty for laughing.
If I knew that as a kid, I would have probably used that bit.
October 4th, 2007 at 12:01 pm, Tiffany Says:
Why in the hell do kids think this is so funny! And I have never heard of this trick, but now I know what to look out for.
October 4th, 2007 at 1:40 pm, Jess Says:
I always wonder about the little extras they learn at school. DS#1 keeps coming home telling jokes. While the jokes are realtivly PG, it make me wonder whatelse he is picking up that he is not telling me about. Now that I have read your post I am more scared now than ever before.
October 5th, 2007 at 2:11 pm, Beth Says:
Ann,
I just discovered your blog, entirely on accident through a link from another site. The first few postings I read got me intrigued. I have spent the last week reading it from the beginning to the current day. I have laughed and cried and everything in between. It has brought back memories of raising my 2 girls. Who I can thankfully say have lived to be 21 and 23.
The roaming potty training gave me flashbacks to my youngest returning home from school in the first grade with no underwear. Frequently. She decided she didn’t like them and wasn’t going to wear them. EVER as only a 1st grader can decide. Thereafter it was pants and only pants for her for school for a very long while.
Thanks for the memories and keep up the good work.
October 14th, 2007 at 8:34 am, anja merret - chatting to my generation » Blog Carnival of Observations on Life October 14, 2007 Says:
[...] presents Unscheduled Anatomy Class posted at My Tiny [...]