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February 11, 2008
Grammys Glamore Style
Bill turned on the Grammys in the middle of the show, forgetting the golden rule of Grammy Watching with kids: Thou shalt watch the Grammys only on Tivo, as musical acts are apt to gyrate clad only in underwear and bras in the name of art.
When he tuned in, Kanye West was in the middle of his performance. He wore a vest with glowing stripes and white sunglasses and had “Mama” etched into his buzzcut. Daft Punk was in the background providing electronica– they looked like astronauts playing pong. Pink smoke shot into the air.
Bill was confused by the TV scene, had never heard of Kanye and wondered what aliens had to do with the music.
He didn’t have much time to speculate.
The twins got their new Bibles during the late service at church today, and Drew was settled on the sofa engrossed in the story of Passover and peppering Bill with theological questions.
“Why did God say he’d kill the first-born child?” “What if the family put blood on the door but God didn’t see it?” “What if the oldest sons were twins and were born at the exact same time– would they both be killed?” “Do the Jews buy a live lamb when they celebrate Passover today?”
Bill tried to answer the questions, but Porter had decided that the parakeets, Feathers and Texas Ranger, needed exercise and would benefit from hearing music, so he’d carried them into the den to let them walk around on the carpet. Texas Ranger kept flying into the corner, or onto the curtain, and occasionally onto Bill’s stomach, which interfered with Bill’s attempts to recall Biblical history.
Finn was engrossed in the music and was unhappy with the chirping and Biblical talk interfering with a proper Grammy experience. He came downstairs where I was writing and complained that Grammy protocol was not being observed:
- the program had not been started from the beginning with all spectators having retrieved snacks and drinks and taken care of toilet visits prior to the show;
- there was extraneous talking having to do with Biblical topics, not music;
- Birds should not be allowed at the Grammy viewing: Porter was trying to corral Feathers and Texas Ranger, but kept crawling under the coffee table and back and forth in front of the tv in order to do so, blocking the view.
I came upstairs and banished the birds, rewound the show, and we proceeded to watch, free from flying parakeets. Theological debates were minimized.
It did take Porter a while to capture the birds, but it was exciting to watch, sort of like an in-house Discovery Channel.
Herewith, our show notes.
Alicia Keys:
Bill: She’s got some pipes.
Finn: Man, I always thought she had big boobs, but those are like little starter breasts.
Anne: Some of us would consider them ample finishing breasts.
Bill: I think she just needs a bra.
The Time:
Bill: (singing) o-e-o-e-o!
Drew: Where do you buy a gold suit like that?
Porter: Yeah, that’s never a choice I see at the store.
Anne: (doing the jungle dance)
Bill and Anne: o-e-o-e-o!
Beatles tribute:
Drew: I thought Ringo was dead.
Porter: What the BEEP? He’s a LIVE Beatle.
Day in the Life by Cirque:
Porter: Why is that lady hanging from the ceiling?
Finn: She looks like she’s being pummeled by King Kong.
Bill: Not soon enough.
Drew: Why do the people in the Bible keep killing goats and lambs?
Anne: Didn’t y’all already see this? (starts to hit fast forward)
Finn: Stop! I didn’t see Daft Punk!
(all watch as pyramid opens and astronauts “play” computers)
Bill: This is weird.
Fergie:
Bill: There’s my girl!
Finn: (groan)
Foo Fighters:
Anne and Boys: Yea!
Bill: Did they say “Food Fighters?” This should be interesting.
Finn: Dad, you don’t know anything about music, do you?
Porter: I think a better name would be the Foo Doo Fighters. I might write them a letter.
Anne: Dave Grohl is just darling.
Brad Paisley:
Anne: Bill, he’s married to the girl who was Steve Martin’s daughter in Father of the Bride.
Bill: Does that have anything to do with music?
Anne: No, just a fun fact.
Porter: Whoa– that guitar rocks! It’s like a leopard.
Finn: It’s like, totally obnoxious.
Drew: Mom, did it take Noah 120 years to build the ark?
Anne: I have no idea. Let’s talk music now and Bible later.
Aretha Franklin:
Porter: What is she wearing?
Anne: A yellow tent. She’s pretty large, but a very famous singer. You should listen.
Finn: Fat ladies can really belt it out.
Feist:
Anne: I am unimpressed and do not understand the hype.
Porter: She skipped a number when she was counting.
Drew: She would be a terrible shepherd. They have to keep track of every sheep.
Bill: I’m going to bed.
Rhianna:
Finn: She’s smokin’.
Anne: She wore a rockin’ blue dress when she came in. I think it would look great on me.
Amy Winehouse:
Anne: I hope she sings “Back To Black.”
Finn: Are you sure she’s not high?
Anne: No, but she’s clapping in time to the music, so the odds are in her favor. Maybe she’s just weak.
(rewinds and replays)
(kids snoring)
(Elvis snoring)
The awards may not be over, but the Glamores are done!
What did you love/hate about the awards?
How about Kanye and Amy?
*************************
Two years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: The Missing Macho Valentines
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February 11th, 2008 at 10:26 am, Jessie Says:
All I really cared about were the Foo Fighters, and so I went to bed after their performance. Although, I did love The Time’s performance, and pregnancy hormones made me cry during Kanye’s performance of “Hey Mama”. Overall, I thought this year’s Grammys were much better than in recent years.
Jessie’s last blog post..3 Words
February 11th, 2008 at 11:30 am, Sister Honey Bunch Says:
I went back and forth between a couple shows, so I missed Amy Winehouse-who I was really curious to see.
I loves me some Fergie though. And Alicia Keyes.
Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..What is Your Weekend Latte Factor?
February 11th, 2008 at 11:32 am, Jenny, Bloggess Says:
Can’t. stop. giggling.
Jenny, Bloggess’s last blog post..Timbaland is a liar and probably has gum disease
February 11th, 2008 at 12:08 pm, Headless Mom Says:
There was a day when I worked for a music/movie company and never missed an awards show. Now if I try to watch I 1) don’t know any of the artists, except those in the retrospective-tributes to the great-oldies, and 2)get crazy about the underwear they try to pass off as clothes.
I’m getting old my friends!
Headless Mom’s last blog post..The All-American Pastime
February 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm, lake lurker Says:
I guess I’m showing my age.I sat down to watch the Grammy Awards and the last thing I remember was the Cirque scene and Ringo.I woke up at 11:45 and went to bed wondering for a moment what day it was.Let’s call that an Amy Winehouse moment!
lake lurker’s last blog post..Grammys Glamore Style
February 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm, Traci Says:
You forgot to mention Tina Turner and how amazing she was. I hope I can rock the silver outfit and move that good when I am her age!
February 11th, 2008 at 3:31 pm, Stephanie Says:
I missed the Grammys, but I think this post was far more entertaining than watching it would have been.
Stephanie’s last blog post..Fat Vs. Skinny
February 11th, 2008 at 6:19 pm, Livin in LV Says:
Tina Turner almost getting knocked off stage by Beyonce; Kanye and his tribute to his Mama (even though I really don’t like him I thought it was sweet); Keely Smith and Kid Rock, mostly just Keely; Vince Gill asking if Kanye had ever had a Beatle hand him and award; a really upbeat performance by Alicia Keys with John Mayer; because I live here, the Cirque/Love sequence; and it was nice to see Amy Winehouse healthier of late. Those were my highlights. I didn’t want to see Tina get kicked off, love her. Just thought it was great to see her try and get B’s attention to slow her roll while they were dancing.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:45 pm, amy Says:
The Biblical interjections are hilarious!!
This was too funny.
amy’s last blog post..Dear Lord, Bless the Scorpions
February 12th, 2008 at 11:37 am, bibi Says:
Tina Turner blew me away. I just kep turning to my husband and saying “I can’t believe she’s 68″ I’m 34 and can’t even begin to think about moving like that.
bibi’s last blog post..Do fries come with that shake? or reason 364,089,89 why I need to get my ass in gear
February 12th, 2008 at 1:19 pm, childsplay Says:
Herbie Hancock…Tina Turner…Cher…The Time…I finally turned and asked hubby what year we were in.
Kanye made me cry, even though I think he’s a huge tool.
Loved Beyonce being fuller sized and working it. Tina didn’t need the face lift.
Had to turn Fergie. Could she BE more annoying?
Hubby contests ‘Umbrella’ winning over that Chris Brown guy.
They needed JT back again this year.
Drew’s focus killed me. How cute is he?!
childsplay’s last blog post..Most Awesomest Baking Contest Ever.
February 12th, 2008 at 2:47 pm, Tara Says:
Grammys? What Grammys? I didn’t know they were on…
But it sounds like I missed some great (and not so great) acts.
Loved the Biblical conversations. I have some of the same questions the boys have…
Tara’s last blog post..Bunny Is My Best Friend, Even if She Can’t Talk
February 13th, 2008 at 2:20 am, Aimee Says:
I hate I missed Brad Paisley and his guitar. He is from my state, WV, and his last video for “Letter to Me” was actually shot at his old high school.
Thanks for sharing!
Aimee’s last blog post..Biggest Load of Crap