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February 26, 2008
Forty-Wonderful
You know you’ve reached “a certain age” when your birthday breakfast in bed consists of a heaping bowl of Fiber One (43% of your daily fiber requirement), a cup of coffee, and the paper. And you’re completely content.
I lazed in the bed for twenty minutes while the boys got ready for school, and thus I missed this morning’s action. Finn placed salt in the sugar shaker, so Porter’s 1/2 cup of coffee was nasty. Finn learned this trick from Encylopedia of Immaturity
Last night I decided that although Porter is tremendous fun, his hygiene is awful. After dinner we donned our bathing suits, climbed into the shower, and I coached him through the washing of the hair, the scrubbing of the face, and the complete soaping and rinsing of the body, including the armpits and feet. Unfortunately, there is no documentation. It turns out that even I have boundaries.
On my last day of forty-dom, I officially turned into my mother. After the boys left for school, I checked their rooms and found that Finn had three pair of shoes on the floor, rather than in the closet, dirty clothes strewn about, not in the hamper, and a jacket that he’s been told to hang up twice flung carelessly on his bed.
I was shaking with fury as I scooped up the entire mass and stuffed it into a grocery bag and hid it in my closet. I was calmer hours later when he began looking for his cleats for baseball, and confirmed to me that they were not in his closet where they should be. I didn’t hide my smugness as I offered to give them back for the incredible low price of one dollar. Each.
He has not yet discovered the other missing items, but will be shelling out thirteen more dollars if he intends to pay the ransom for the rest of his belongings.
Drew is generally quiet and and well behaved. Don’t let that lull you into thinking he’s an angel. Yesterday my bird-owner was the first one in the car after school and tattled breathlessly that “Drew has been saying WTF in the carpool line and so has his friend x.”
I handled this by taking Drew into my room when we got home, and asking him if he knew what “WTF” meant.
“It means ‘what the’ and a word that starts with ‘f’ and ends with ‘uck’ but it’s not ‘firetruck’,” he said.
“Does that sounds like something a Glamore should say?” I asked.
“No, ma’am.”
“I better not hear that you’ve said it again or I’m taking your iPod away for a month.”
His eyes got big. I can’t remember what his ears looked like before they had thin white cords sprouting from them, so this seemed to get the message across.
You were all so kind to be so concerned about Feathers. Happily, Feathers apparently spent a lonely night perched atop the kitchen light fixture and flew down the next morning while Finn was making sausage and scrambled eggs. Elvis got his own link to make up for the false accusation of bird swallowing. This provided us a wonderful opportunity to tout the importance of remembering that we are all innocent until proven guilty.
Porter wondered why we always think he’s guilty first, and Drew pointed out that it’s because he is.
“Guess you got a point there,” Porter said, and he finished eating his sausage with Feathers perched on his shoulder.
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Two years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Movin’ On Down- From The De-luxe Apartment In The Sky
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February 26th, 2008 at 2:20 pm, Toni-EvinNRobsMom Says:
Happy Birthday!! I wish you all the best for another 41-derful years
YAY, Feathers is alive and well!! I’m sure Elvis is pretty happy that he’s no longer a suspect in this matter.
Have a great day!!
February 26th, 2008 at 2:55 pm, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:
Happy birthday!
Now he’s just going to teach the other kids what it means.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah’s last blog post..Not Your Average Pretend Shopping
February 26th, 2008 at 3:00 pm, Candy Says:
Is today your birthday, or was it the 25th? Because MY BIRTHDAY WAS THE 25TH. Which officially makes us sisters, right? I knew it all along.
Candy’s last blog post..Put Down Those Panties!
February 26th, 2008 at 4:15 pm, Debbie Says:
Isn’t it nice knowing you won’t find a dead bird carcass for a birthday present?! Congrats on the birthday and finding Feathers.
February 26th, 2008 at 4:17 pm, moo Says:
So glad to hear there was a happy ending to the missing bird debacle!
Man, you are an awesome mother. I hope you know that.
moo’s last blog post..photo challenge, wood & metal
February 26th, 2008 at 4:42 pm, Loth Says:
Happy Birthday Anne - I’ll be joining you in no-longer-just-forty-land in a couple of months or so. Get the drinks in, will you? Oh, and I am totally stealing that ransom idea. Genius!
February 26th, 2008 at 4:43 pm, Linda Says:
Happy Birthday!
LOVE the discipline techniques. I cannot wait to use the “It’s mine if you leave it out and you’d better hand over the $$ to get it back!” technique. Kudos.
Linda’s last blog post..Naps
February 26th, 2008 at 4:50 pm, Headless Mom Says:
Happy Day! And may there be many, many more.
I love the trick of taking what they can’t seem to take care of then making them pay to get them back. Headless Girl used to leave her shoes in my bedroom after watching tv and I would make her pay to get them back. Although my trick was that I would replace the $ later when she didn’t know. She also doesn’t keep track of her $ so she never caught on. I do however keep any $ left in pockets on laundry day. I figure it is a small payment for the services that I provide!
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Joy is hard
February 26th, 2008 at 5:10 pm, PunditMom Says:
Happy b-day! How I long for the days of being 40!
PunditMom’s last blog post..The Year of Turning 50 — Does This Black Nail Polish Make Me Look Younger?
February 26th, 2008 at 5:26 pm, Shell Says:
Thank goodness Feathers is okay! I’ve been irrationally worried about him since I read your blog yesterday.
And I LOVE how you instructed Porter in good hygiene habits. Have to remember that one…
Shell’s last blog post..And a Super-Cool Robot, As Well
February 26th, 2008 at 5:46 pm, Jamie Says:
Happy Bran Day! So glad Feathers is OK!
Jamie’s last blog post..If She Was 15 I?d Be Searching Her Room for Drugs
February 26th, 2008 at 6:29 pm, TTULizzy Says:
Happy Birthday!
February 26th, 2008 at 6:38 pm, Erin Says:
Happy Birthday!
I’m so glad Feathers has returned safely. I hated the thought of Porter losing his pet.
As for your discipline strategy; it rocks as always. I’m all about bagging up offending items. I can’t wait until I can sell them back! For now I just make a lot of goodwill trips and keep a box of items I can’t give away ready to give back as a reward for long spells of good behavior
Erin’s last blog post..Fresh Snow in front yard
February 26th, 2008 at 7:15 pm, Chandra Says:
Happy Birthday! I’m looking forward to many more years of delightful stories and parenting gems! BTW I’m hijacking the ransom trick, too.
Chandra’s last blog post..Confessions of a Bed Hog
February 26th, 2008 at 7:17 pm, Cassie Says:
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!
Thank god Feathers didn’t fly the coop.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:22 pm, rachel Says:
I love the idea of paying for your items when they’re left out! Brilliant!
Glad Feathers was located, and not in Elvis’ leavings!!
Your birthday morning sounds wonderful to me!!
Happy days dear!
rachel’s last blog post..No Peek Chicken
February 26th, 2008 at 8:40 pm, CourtneyRyan369 Says:
Happy Birthday!
So glad you found Feathers…excellent lessons to the kids. I’m filing them away for my someday to be kids.
Thanks Anne!
CourtneyRyan369’s last blog post..Weddings are a comin?!
February 26th, 2008 at 9:41 pm, Windy Says:
I’m so glad Feathers showed up safe and sound.
I should think Dad would be the one to get into the shower with the boys to make sure ALL the necessary spots were thoroughly cleansed to avoid embarrassment for you and the boys.
February 27th, 2008 at 1:42 am, Liz Says:
Happy birthday!!!!!
Liz’s last blog post..Did you hear the one about the two male flightless water fowl?
February 27th, 2008 at 8:42 am, Susu Says:
You’re finally coming of age!! I just want to know how the boys got themselves fed, ready for school (including deodorant), located any missing school-ey items, and made it there in time while you “laid around”?? Was Bill there to oversee in your much deserved absence? My boys have the bathing part down, even to an extreme occasionally, but the remaining duties I’ll have to re-teach to both boys, maybe over the summer.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:03 am, Joy East of theKingdom Says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
and I’m glad Feather’s is back safe & sound.
Holding shoes hostage….brilliant!!
Thanks for the idea!
February 27th, 2008 at 11:07 am, lake lurker Says:
Happy Birthday from our family to the Grand Laureate of the Tiny Kingdom. Hope Bill gave you a red carpet evening and glad to know Elvis is out of the doghouse.
lake lurker’s last blog post..Clean Birds and Picky Gourmands
February 27th, 2008 at 11:48 am, Ginger Says:
Happy Birthday to you! I am sooo glad that I am not the only mom out there who has to instruct my son on how to properly shower, brush teeth, wear deordorant, etc. Guess who will be in the shower tonight in their bathing suits? Boy will he be surprised!
February 28th, 2008 at 12:54 pm, Busy Mom Says:
A very belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to you!
Excellent news about Feathers, too.
Busy Mom’s last blog post..Flashback
February 29th, 2008 at 10:15 am, Fiona Says:
Happy belated birthday! And I laughed with delight about Elvis’s exoneration, and Feathers being safe. As others have said, you’re a great mom! Hope I’ll be half as good someday. And hope you had a fabulous birthday
August 4th, 2008 at 3:33 pm, My Tiny Kingdom » Locker 101:A, Hygiene:F Says:
[...] last spring when I had to get in the shower with my bathing suit on and go over cleanliness with Porter? I stopped short of that this time, [...]