Stumble it!
March 13, 2008
Dear Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna
I was shocked when I heard the news about Eliot Spitzer. As the details emerged, I had a flashback to the mid 80’s that made me sick to my stomach. I’ve experienced many of the same feelings that I’m sure the Spitzer girls are now, although I didn’t have to do it under a media spotlight.
Plenty of experts have already weighed in on how a man’s adultery can affect his daughters for the long term. What he’s done doesn’t just influence the marriage—- his actions alter the entire family dynamic.
If Mr. Spitzer is going to regain his daughters’ trust, he’s going to have to ask for their forgiveness. It will take plenty of work and therapy on his part to earn it. He’ll have to be committed to working on his relationship with each daughter, and it won’t be easy.
If I had fifteen minutes to spend with the Spitzer women, I’d make sure they knew that they are all entitled to feel angry, hurt and betrayed. It’s not their job to make him feel welcome; it’s his burden to make them want to welcome him back.
I wish he’d never screwed up so royally. Now that it’s done, I am praying that he takes the high road, which is harder, as high roads tend to be, and thinks of his family first in going forward.
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A great book about putting your family first is Finishing Strong: Going the Distance for Your Family
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One year ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Thong Gone Wrong
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March 13th, 2008 at 9:55 am, justashley Says:
Very brave of you to share that with us. Very sad for the Spitzer family, all innocent vicimts who have to suffer through situations like these, and our country in general.
March 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am, Alyce Says:
I know firsthand how adultery can affect an entire family (and friends and business associates etc etc).
But this was not just adultery. And it’s got me all riled up that everyone is discussing this like he met a nice woman at the office and they fell in love and now he’d like to marry her.
We are romanticizing an illegal act that brings with it all kinds of additional terrible fallout for his daughters. What kind of message does this send his girls - aside from, “honey it’s an OK life choice for you to be a call girl”? Not only was he requesting girls almost as young as his daughters, he didn’t like to use a condom.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am, Honeybell Says:
I cannot imagine not only being the victim of infidelity as a wife or daughter . . . but then to have that information broadcast worldwide. How awful for them. As his wife sat next to him during his press conference all I could think was how strong she was to have the courage to do that. Regardless of what move she makes next, Mr. Spitzer could learn a lot from his wife about courage and dignity.
Honeybell’s last blog post..Bodies Revealed
March 13th, 2008 at 12:54 pm, Traci Says:
I live in New York and this whole situation is just a shameful embarrassment. I haven’t spoken to a single person yet who 1. isn’t sorry he stepped down and 2. thinks he shouldn’t be prosecuted.
March 13th, 2008 at 2:22 pm, lake lurker Says:
Anne, thank you and your readers for sharing your thoughts on the Spitzer disaster.This has been a topic of conversation at home, work, and at dinner with friends last night.Putting the jokes and pundits aside,I hope and pray that Spitzer’s wife and daughters will be healed from one of the most selfish acts a husband and father could inflict on his family.I hope he will seek to become the person God wants him and all of us to be.It’s not too late for that to happen no matter the consequences he faces.
lake lurker’s last blog post..Dear Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna
March 14th, 2008 at 1:04 pm, Erin Says:
Brave of you to share. I really got the chills. I too experienced adultery (plain old lady at the office) in my family. Even worse my father died of a massive heart attack soon after. Talk about issues for me. All that anger and confusion. Couldn’t even ask him why. The woman came to his funeral and then tried to befriend my brother and me! Add that to the “perfect syndrome” that sets in after the loss of a parent- you can only remember the best of them. I was so messed up for years. I can’t imagine what those girls are going through. Maybe sometime you’ll be compelled to share what it was like for your family to rebuild.
March 14th, 2008 at 2:20 pm, Liza's Eyeview Says:
I was blog hopping and ended up in your blog. Thank you for this post. I just expressed my two cents on this issue as well, today. Here’s the link in case you’re interested:
http://www.lizas-eyeview.com/2008/03/my-two-cents-case-of-spritzer.html
I agree, Mr. Spritzer would need to re-gain her daughters’ trust…and he must seek their forgiveness first and foremost.
Liza’s Eyeview’s last blog post..My Two Cents (The Case of Spritzer)
March 14th, 2008 at 2:22 pm, Liza's Eyeview Says:
hmmm, I just left a comment and not sure if it got lost. Anyway, thank you for posting this.
Liza’s Eyeview’s last blog post..My Two Cents (The Case of Spritzer)
March 15th, 2008 at 6:35 pm, Karin Says:
Yes, it was broadcast in several European publications. Wow, what I am confused about is this talk about forgiveness.He was not just having an affair, this was a lifestyle, a secret to his legal family. He will not change, and he is only sorry he got caught.