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April 23, 2008
Venn Diagram: Soccer and Society
It’s been a while since I did a Venn diagram for you, and I’m not sure I can end it all with a penis joke as I did last time. I’ll let my subconscious work on that while I relate the thought-provoking details of this weekend’s soccer extravaganza.
There was a lot of soccer played by kids of all ages and genders in the Tiny Kingdom this weekend. While I don’t know whether anyone’s soccer skills improved, I do know that many life lessons were learned.
Porter and Drew’s soccer team played in their first tournament. Sunday’s game looked more like a Wrestling Smackdown than a soccer game. The other team was coached to play dirty, and they followed instructions well. Our goalie, who’s built like a solid fireplug, was mauled several times, and bears cleat-patterned bruises all over his body.
“Ah!” you say, “where was the referee during all of this?”
He was out on the field but served no useful purpose, as he failed to call improper throw-ins, hand balls, and goalie abuse. Apparently there were other violations which would have resulted in players getting a red card which means you are out of the game– sit on the bench immediately! but I don’t know enough about soccer to know what those rules were. The only reason I learned about hand balls is that for a time it looked like the other team had mistakenly shown up for a volleyball tournament.
The boys were understandably upset after their loss.
“They didn’t play fair,” some said.
“Why didn’t the ref call it when they shoved us?” others wondered.
But you know, in my view a big part of sports is to use them to teach the kids about life. It’s easy to teach them how to win. It’s more challenging to show them how to lose with dignity and shake the hands of the other team when tears are streaming down their faces.
There are few opportunities as blatant as this to teach one of the most important lessons of all: Life Isn’t Fair.
We can get up in the ref’s face. We can write a letter of protest and ask that this ref not be assigned to our team again, but none of this changes the loss to a win. Life Isn’t Fair, and it never will be.
Meanwhile, the females were learning lessons of their own about the intersection of sports and social engagements. There are four elementary schools in the Tiny Kingdom. A couple of sixth-grade girls at one of the other schools threw a boy-girl gala Friday night. That hasn’t happened at our school yet, but perhaps this school is maturing more quickly.
It was inevitable; the big bash coincided with a girls’ soccer game Friday night, throwing the players’ mothers into a tizzy I don’t envy. Reactions varied. Some girls who were dying to party skipped the game. Others wanted to do the same, but were reminded that they’d made a prior commitment to the team, and that both manners and character required that the first engagement be honored. Still others were thankful that the game was taking place so they didn’t have to attend the party and hang out with nasty boys. They see them enough at school anyway.
It’s doubtful I’d have been playing soccer in the 6th grade. Even if I had, I’d have been begging my mom to ditch the game in favor of the party, but I doubt she’d have given in. I’d have been clad in shin guards instead of a miniskirt, sulking all over that soccer field.
That, I presume, is why God gave me boys.
Boys who experiment with gender roles, but boys nonetheless.
Finn, age 2, laden with jewelry
Porter, age 4, trying desperately for curls
Drew, age 2, in princess shoes
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I wouldn’t leave you without a penis joke after that buildup, would I?
For a while, John Wayne and Lorena Bobbit were talking about getting back together– after “the episode.” Their friends were mystified. Finally, while discussing it at length at the coffee shop one morning, an old fellow concluded, “Well, maybe he’s just not such a complete dick anymore.”
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Three years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: The New Me
(I wrote this several months before I was to have my annual HepC test five years after my interferon treatment had ended. I’d been in remission, and the word was that if you stayed in remission for five years, you could call yourself “cured.” To see how it ended, you can click here.)
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April 23rd, 2008 at 9:17 am, Alison Says:
How hard but how important it is to teach our kids that life isn’t fair. I don’t look forward to that, but I know it’s necessary.
(Also, LOVE the pictures of the boys dressing up, especially Porter’s! I have pictures of my 2 year old in tutus and some in my red high heels, happy as a clam. Great blackmail material someday.)
Alison’s last blog post..WFMW: Free babysitting
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:40 am, Honeybell Says:
I keep saying one day I’m just going to dress my four boys in drag, just for a day of daughters . . . . hmmmm . . .
I hate it when kids sports become a drama opportunity for adults. We have actually had a ref stop a basketball game due to parent’s outbursts. As you say, one of life’s sad lessons.
Honeybell’s last blog post..Why They Pay Me The Big Bucks
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:04 am, Headless Mom Says:
My boys have dueling baseball schedules. Since I’m the team mom for one I sometimes have to miss the other. I hate that. However it is preferable to the soccer debacle last fall, so I am being thankful for the little things.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Webber Week on AI
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:04 am, Kaylee Says:
I have been in soccer in some form or fashion since 6th grade and am now in my 40’s. I have to say that the referee SHOULD control the game and then there would be no reason for parent’s outbursts. Too often I have seen games get out of control due to a referee’s lack of enforcing the Laws of the game and it is a shame! He has the ability to make it a good experience for the kids or a bad one. My husband ref’s and is a good one and we know the difference. Injuries can be avoided when appropriate refereeing is done. OH, the pictures of the boys are priceless!! Loved it all!! Feathers is great, too! Your blog rocks! Huge Fan!
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:10 am, stephanie Says:
Your boys, tho they might protest, are adorable.
I remember playing dress-up with my little sister and brother. He had white-blonde hair my mother refused to cut for three years because he had great curls, so we could put bows in his hair. I had a stash of clip-on earrings for him, necklaces, shoes, purses. And for the longest time, my brother used to tell my mom, “When I get to be a girl, mommy, I want to wear bows.” Or carry purses or whatever. Other than my dad, all he had was a girly mom and two sisters!
He grew up to be a well-adjusted guy’s guy. He’s a fireman now.
stephanie’s last blog post..Lord Have Mercy, I’m Soooo Shocked
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:17 am, Karin Says:
Wow, this brings back memories. At this level, all players are supposed to get equal play time. However, it is a tendency of these dad coaches (volunteers) to want to win at all cost. Therefore they “accidentally” keep the less skilled players off the field longer than they are supposed to. I think the refs are volunteers as well. My husband ended up coaching my older son’s team for the same reason; not enough coaches. He knew very little about soccer, so he ended up with new or weak players. He was a very fair coach, he substituted the weak players fairly, and many of them still thank him for giving them an opportunity to play.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:38 am, Busy Mom Says:
Am married to a mattress as well.
Busy Mom’s last blog post..Bustin’ butt
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm, Susu Says:
Just how long are Finn’s legs and arms? Wow!! My 13 year old wears 11 1/2 size in cleats, what about him?
That picture of the ref/coaches looks just like one from our league, but in reverse. Usually it’s the coach yelling at the ref.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:44 pm, Katrina Says:
My kids do not yet participate in any organized sports (unless you count Katie’s karate class), but it sounds like there are a lot of good lessons waiting to be picked up on the field. Thanks for lighting the way!
Katrina’s last blog post..Attack of the Robot Roaches
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:06 pm, rationalpsychic Says:
I love soccer. I have watched my two oldest girls play, my son plays now and am really hoping for the 4-year-old girl to join the melee. Don’t worry, if Truly doesn’t want to play, even God won’t be able to convince her otherwise.
I didn’t see truly dirty play until my daughters were in about 7th grade and went from Mankato to Eagan, MN to play in a tournament. “Win at any costs” is another lesson they learn–and, hopefully, reject.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:05 pm, baseballmom Says:
OMGaw, I was gonna post about an irate mom that called Husband the other night and left a bitchy message to call her back. Same thing, all about playing time. What these parents don’t understand is that the coaches are BUSY during the game, and don’t always realize who has played, who hasn’t, and for how many minutes. Also? They aren’t being PAID, they’re volunteers!
baseballmom’s last blog post..I had no idea…
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 pm, mandy Says:
I really enjoyed this post. This *life* is a bit ahead of us, as ours are so young. Nonetheless it was interesting to read. I wholeheartedly agree about the life lessons, difficult as they are to have to teach sometimes. Also, thank goodness for boys…After two girls, a boy was a bit of a relief.
mandy’s last blog post..We got word…
April 24th, 2008 at 2:15 pm, Kelly Says:
My husband coached both our kids, boy and girl throughout grade school sports; baseball, softball, football and basketball. He also umpired little league baseball games. He also now serves on the county school board. I know you’re asking, what kind of fool is this man AND how is his crazy wife still married to him? All I can say is through the power of prayer. And through ALL that, the number ONE complaint of ANY parent is, without exception, playing time. Someone is ALWAYS mad about that. As impossible to stop as the sunrise. BUt you are right -kids who participate in sports learn lessons that help them out later in life, no doubt. Good luck.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:09 pm, Bhamdining Says:
My daughter’s only 5, playing at the Y, which is supposed to be all about sportsmanship and not winning (they don’t even keep score at her age), but I’ve already seen this. Two teams this season were very pushy and aggressive and the ref never once called them on it, even after our coach complained. One little girl was just a plain bully! And on the playing time thing, I got to fill in as coach once last season and find out first-hand just how hard it is to try to make sure all the kids get reasonably even playing time. It’s a lot harder than it looks from the sidelines!
Bhamdining’s last blog post..New Review: Jinsei
April 25th, 2008 at 5:13 pm, Dan Bencsik Says:
This is so true. I am enrolling my daughter in soccer for the first time this summer, and I can only hope that the refereeing is half decent.