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July 22, 2008
Use Your Nuts Wisely
I’ve turned into a teenager. I developed a large pimple on my chin on the way home from BlogHer and then slept until 1:30 the next afternoon, aided by pharmaceuticals. I realized I’d been traveling too much when I foraged in the pantry for something to eat and discovered this:
I ate cereal instead.
I tried to explain BlogHer to Bill, as he was interested in knowing where I’d been with a thousand women (and some men) and what we’d been doing in San Francisco. I told him that we discussed blog platforms, content syndication, social media, monetization, and I would have gone on but at that point his eyes glazed over and he said, “I don’t think I know you anymore.”
I don’t feel a huge need to blog about the conference- you can google BlogHer 08 if you want the dramatic details. I will say that it was odd yet exhilarating to meet people I’ve considered friends for a long time yet never actually seen, like Busymom, Mom to the Screaming Masses, Playgroupie and Headless Mom. I made other friends too numerous to mention, including Shannon, Crib Ceiling, Notes From the Trenches, Friday Playdate, Goon Squad Sarah, and more.
I was showered with free gifts during the weekend, but the most intriguing was called Soap Nuts. A lady at a booth handed them to me at a party where alcohol was being consumed, so I concluded that they were more Nuts than Soap– maybe a nut that has a mouthwash effect or something. That was not the case.
Soap Nuts are meant for washing laundry. With that name, they’re clearly aimed at the male market, so I gathered the duo (Finn is at camp) and we put the nuts to the test.
It was not a promising start. We opened the darling cotton bag in which they were packaged and found, well, these.
Yeah. These are the dried fruit of the Chinese soapberry tree, although they look a lot like prunes, or maybe baboon droppings. I was skeptical that something that looked so obviously dirty could be a cleaning product, but the lady swore that the nuts contain a natural cleaning ingredient, and besides– they’re called Soap Nuts!
“You told us to say testicles, not nuts or balls,” Porter said.
I made an exception for this product, which like footballs and soccer balls has balls in its name and has nothing to do with sperm.
We put the nuts in a small linen bag. “These stink,” Porter said. That’s when I remembered that the woman had also given us some essential oil to sprinkle on the bag to scent our laundry if we were offended by the natural odor of the Soap Nuts.
“I’d say I’m offended,” Drew said.
I got out my stock of oils that Bill and I keep for recreational purposes, and Drew and Porter carefully sniffed each one, finally agreeing to scent our laundry with orange flower.
Green tea is nasty
It smells much better than plain balls, though.
There was nothing left but to start up the washing machine and hope for the best.
Yes, those are instructions for using the machine in the background. The boys act like they’re hard to decipher but they’re perfectly clear.
Drew still persisted in asking when we’d be through washing with soap testicles.
I suppose you’re going to want to know how the wash came out. This pink shirt was extremely grimy to begin with. It’s Drew’s favorite and my theory is that he wore it every day that I was out of town. After washing, it was marginally less filthy looking, but smelled a million times better.
I think I’ll continue using laundry detergent, but when I make the boys do the laundry they can use the soap testicles if they want, and everyone should be happy.
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One year ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Presenting YO MAMA!
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July 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm, Tari Says:
Oh we are so not buying those! My 2 animals do not need any more encouragement to talk about sensitive parts of the body, even indirectly. Those things would give them the giggles for weeks!
Tari’s last blog post..Add a Quote
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:54 pm, Mary Frances Says:
That’s quite a stock of oils you’ve got there! I’m obviously missing out on an important aspect of marital activity.
BTW tomorrow I’m going to my first ASWA meeting in over two years and only because you’re speaking.
Mary Frances’s last blog post..A Gift For My Dear Readers, and This Week’s Menu
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm, Crisanne Says:
Wow, that’s a lot of recreation…I mean bottles! Glad you had fun at BlogHer. Some day I’ll make it there…
Crisanne’s last blog post..A silly moment
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:00 pm, Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children Says:
I didn’t get any balls?!? Man I missed out on all the cool schwag.
I’m so glad we met and now I KNOW you! You were so kind, thanks for letting me borrow your lens. Also, I didn’t get a chance to say how gorgeous you were.
Can’t wait to see you again next year!
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children’s last blog post..Reverting to my old standby of ALL CAPS!!! And EXCLAMATION POINTS!!
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:46 pm, Sarah Says:
I just stumbled on your blog and I want to tell you I love it! I am a middle school English teacher and it is refreshing to see a parent so involved in their child(ren)’s reading!
P.S. My student’s love, love, love DIARY OF A WIMPY KID. Jeff Kinney’s newest installment is a diary for kids to fill in themselves. It’s great and will encourage a lot of writing.
Sarah’s last blog post..My Middle School Language Arts Classroom…
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm, Headless Mom Says:
I was thrilled to meet you too.
I’m thinking that nuts might make my boys want to do laundry.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Pimpin For My Peeps
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:29 pm, Backpacking Dad Says:
I didn’t get any of those soap nuts. I’m stuck washing my clothes with regular ol’ non-testicular detergent.
Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Sincerely, Backpacking Dad
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:21 am, Dee Says:
Hilarious. I could probably get my husband interested in doing a load of laundry with the promise of “soap nuts.”
The problem is that the soap nuts likely aren’t doing much of anything. FWIW, you can actually do laundry with no detergent at all and odds are whatever you are washing will come out looking and smelling cleaner. Water-soluble dirt particles will always come out in the wash without detergent; it is the oil-soluble messes (chocolate, gravy) that need the fatty-like compounds in most soaps in order to get clean. It may be that the plant components left in the soap nuts contain some such compounds, or maybe some natural surfactants. But if you want assured clean, stick with detergent.
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:26 am, Kelly Says:
Sadly, I’d probably have scrubbed those roots off and baked those ‘taters. Folks will package most anything these days, huh?
Oh, very impressive collection of oils. Put the mental picture of Chevy Chase in Caddyshack. That would be about how adept my hubs would be with the oils.
July 23rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:
I am starting to think I am the only person that left San Francisco without nuts.
I am feeling slightly paranoid about this.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah’s last blog post..Too Jet Lagged to think of a Clever Post Title
July 23rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm, Kacey Says:
BlogHer was interesting, wasn’t it? Lots of energy. It was fun chatting with you at lunch. The Haika lunch I think? It all starts to blur together.
Hey, I didn’t get testicle soap! Love your business card by the way. It’s great.
Kacey’s last blog post..BlogHer 08 in Review
July 23rd, 2008 at 2:47 pm, Karyn Says:
*snort*
Soap testicles…. rofl…. I think I have lived in ManTown too long… these damn kids are starting to rub off on me.
Karyn’s last blog post..Unpretty
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm, Jamie Lentzner Says:
Ha-ha, and here I skipped out early and missed getting Soap Nuts. They look like bunny droppings. Great to meet you, looking forward to following you trying to tweet and your blog!
Jamie Lentzner’s last blog post..Back from BlogHer08
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:55 pm, Elizabeth Says:
They smell nasty! although, I don’t have a stash of “recreational oils”, either
Thanks for rooming with me and Dana, it was great getting to know you better!
Elizabeth’s last blog post..ShareInAFrame review, cuz I totally forgot