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August 20, 2008
Gone Too Soon
If you’re human, you’ve experienced suffering. If you’re religious, you may have felt the way I do sometimes, which is: why the hell is God letting (this disease/this surgery/this death/insert your issue here) happen to me, and why can’t I feel Him enduring this with me, as I believe He promised to do?
(When I’m deep in a pity-party I also wonder why I’m the one having the hard time, when there are so many assholes out there whooping it up, but let’s keep that just between us.)
It’s been a tough week in the Tiny Kingdom. One friend lost a husband to kidney cancer, another lost her only child to liver cancer. Obviously, both were taken too soon, in my earthly opinion.
I was at the funeral for my friend’s husband today, and it was so crowded that many of us could not fit into the sanctuary. (Yes, this honor was reserved for those of us who were arrived a little on the late side.) We sat in rooms around the church, and the service was piped in. By sheer accident I sat at a card table in a plain room with old friends. It was a strangely intimate setting in which to contemplate life and death, and what’s important here and what is not.
The other night I was supervising Porter while he rubbed acne medicine into his face. “Great,” I said. “Do it just like that and in a week or so your skin will be all clear.”
“Well, I may not live another week or two,” he said matter-of-factly. “I could die tomorrow. You never know.”
“You’re right about that,” I said. “But if you make it to September and keep putting this on your forehead, I think you’ll be happy with the improvement you see in your skin.”
“I hope I have that long,” he said, and ran to feed Feathers.
For such a wacky kid, Porter is wise in some ways.
I can waste enormous amounts of energy complaining about the state of the boys’ rooms or whether their manners are up to par. Today I called Bill at work to complain specifically about the “customer support” offered by Linksys, which was neither supportive nor customer-oriented. I cussed every time I turned a corner in the van, because someone left a golf ball in the back which rolls back and forth maniacally.
I forgot all those things while I sat in the room at the church, contemplating what’s truly important in this world and what is not.
There’s a book I’ve read several times called Disappointment with God
I ought to take a lesson from Porter, and spend the day doing the equivalent of making balloon hats, anti-girl weapons, and building boats for parakeets, knowing that the beginning of September isn’t promised to me.
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Two years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Still Alive
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August 20th, 2008 at 11:33 am, Katrina Says:
Great post. I, too, have to remind myself constantly that this world is not the best one, or the last one. I’m sure that when we’re home, all of this will seem like a dream. Meanwhile, you’ve reminded me that I have a butt-kicking Lego fort to build this morning!
Katrina’s last blog post..Bits and Pieces
August 20th, 2008 at 11:44 am, Susan Says:
Beautiful post. Well done, as always. So sorry for your losses but I really appreciate the perspective. Thanks.
Susan’s last blog post..Blessings - Part 4 Or QVC Featuring Children
August 20th, 2008 at 11:45 am, Headless Mom Says:
I’m so sorry about your sucktastic week. I do know that it helps with the perspective, though.
A few years ago a friend lost her husband. I was devistated because I realized that it could have been me/us. Look for your blessings, friend.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Ha! And You Thought The Complaining Was Over!
August 20th, 2008 at 12:22 pm, ashley. Says:
thanks, a. i needed this today.
ashley.’s last blog post..People in Georgia: Lisa at philosophy, Nordstrom, Perimeter Mall.
August 20th, 2008 at 1:48 pm, boomama Says:
Love this. Great perspective. Oh yes ma’am.
boomama’s last blog post..He Loves It. A Lot.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:43 pm, Cassie Says:
I was sitting at my 4th funeral in a year, when the minister looks up and says, “the hardest part of death is the separation.” And that hit like a ton of bricks. Never did I think of death that way. I cried and cried after that.
We don’t know that we have another day, what we do know is we have to have our “faith.”
August 20th, 2008 at 3:37 pm, joanne Says:
I’m sorry for your friends’ losses. It just sucks.
joanne’s last blog post..That’s one way to force me to mop the floor…
August 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm, Jamie Says:
I love your perspective, but I hate the circumstance. It’s amazing what our children teach us.
August 20th, 2008 at 6:47 pm, junglewife Says:
Thank you for your post. I subscribe to your feed but haven’t commented often (or ever, I’m not sure!) I live overseas and our small mission community just had a pilot die in an airplane crash less than 2 weeks ago. He left behind his wife and 5 children. His wife is doing amazingly well and has more faith than I think I will ever have! My husband has also been reading “Disappointment with God”, I haven’t read it yet but it seems like it is a good resource. Thanks for your insightful post!
junglewife’s last blog post..Pictures of Dave’s funeral
August 20th, 2008 at 7:41 pm, Earth Girl Says:
I’m sorry for your losses. That is a great book. You may have prompted me to read it again.
Earth Girl’s last blog post..A Night on the River
August 20th, 2008 at 7:44 pm, ashley Says:
I always find that I remember my own losses when I’m at a funeral & contemplate the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.
I’m so sorry for the losses your friends have experienced. I hope you will feel God’s loving presence during this time.
August 20th, 2008 at 7:44 pm, Jenni D Says:
Good post, Anne. Seems everyone I know is either very ill or loving someone who is. Thanks for the perspective. Yancey rocks!
August 20th, 2008 at 8:22 pm, Janie Says:
You have a unique ability to make me smile through my tears. I’ll think of you tomorrow, when I’ll probably be the one sitting in the room with the service piped in. Hope I’ll have some nice companions there.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:24 am, Kameron Says:
Anne,
Your latest entry was quite thought provoking to say the least. I lost a sister when she was 17. I was 15. It was, at the time Hoover’s worst traffic fatality. It was back in ‘87. Three young women and one young man died. A documentary was made about the accident entitled “Tomorrow Is Not Promised”. I think the title says quite a bit. I have to try and always have the enternal perspective about things. It is never easy to say goodbye. I now live in a neighboring “tiny kindom” and your blog brightens my day. Thanks.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:43 am, Erin Says:
I’m reading this on the 11th anniversary of my dad’s death. He was only 47 and my brother and I just teens. I still ask “why” sometimes, even after all these years.
Erin’s last blog post..DSC03575
August 21st, 2008 at 9:23 am, Jeni Says:
Did you ever read Yancey’s “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” I think you’d like it.
And I’m sorry about your week. I’ve been thinking about some of the same things lately.
Jeni’s last blog post..Alive!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:29 am, 1happymommy Says:
Great post! Kids really have it figured out. They live in the moment. As an adult, we have to make an effort to recapture that spirit instead of letting all of the “grown-up” responsiblities rob of us precious time.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm, The Benevolent Dictator Says:
Your post echoes much of what has been going through my own mind for the past year. Why do some people have it so hard and why are others having a rocking time and how does God fit into the whole situation? It’s a tough one, and it’s good to know that there are sage and kindred spirits out there asking these same questions.
I’m so sorry for you and your friends who have lost their loved ones.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:15 pm, Liz Says:
Thinking of you and your friends.
Liz’s last blog post..Practice makes perfect
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:35 am, Laura S. Says:
I know both of these families too. What a heartbreaking week. It sure makes me hold my family close and thank god for every minute with them!